I like the idea but you need to space it a little.

-CLC

[You are like a flame. Flickering shadows on the walls of my mind. Burning holes in the fabric of my heart. Consuming all that lies before you.] This first section, if you read it aloud, doesn't flow as well as it should because of the punctuation; you might have done this for emphasis, but it loses meaning and might even cause the reader to backtrack. Since you're using parallel structure, it would flow better audibly and visually if you linked the ideas with commas!

The last line is really pretty!