FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Susannah Simon 2007-06-01 ch 2,  | abuseyes, continue! i love the description of poppin's wings. your writing sounds very informal, though. read this chapter again, especially near the end, and you'll see what i mean. very good so far! just make sure to decide on a plotline before you write further. i made the mistake of writing 4 chapters before i knew where the story was going and now that book is buried. starting over with a new theme in "anna"! love, susannah simon |
| Patrick McGill 2007-03-16 ch 1, | abuseIt is a cute story, I like the thought of cute flower faeries. I would reccomend cleaning up the tense a little bit, as well as fixing a few typos. (example; ...We are 100 real" ), shouldn't that be one hundred percent? Just some clean up would do ya, plus reformating the paragraphs and other boring technical stuff like that. I would like to see a larger story with these cute little fey creatures in it. Will you deliver? We await with anticipation. |
| Singular Angel 2007-03-16 ch 1, | abuseInteresting concept. It would be easier to read if you spaced out dialouge to have a different paragraph for everyone who speaks. Also, you change tense a little. Other than that, it's good! -Rage |
| harpoonedxwhale 2007-03-16 ch 1, | abuseI know it was just a quick story, but maybe a bit of a grammar check. You kept switching between present and past tense. Again, I know it was just a quick story, but I would've liked it better if it were a bit more descriptive and if the faeries.. were a little less.. stereotypical. |
| Experiment 156-SKYE 2007-03-16 ch 1, | abusecute definatly cute |
| Susannah Simon 2007-03-16 ch 1, | abuseI hope there's more! I'M WAITING . . . . . Make it into a novel! Make a plot and stuff. Do it! This is such a great idea! Keep writing and I'll be back! Love, Susannah Simon |