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| Mad Mistress of Death 2007-05-02 ch 1,  | abusewow this sounds really interesting, you come up with alot of great story ideas. Please write more on this, it's one of my fav. stories on fictionpress. I love this "We cannot choose what happens to us in life but no matter what becomes of us we must live with it." With your permission, I would like to quote you sometime. I'll give you all the credit and stuff. |
| Bluemauve 2007-03-18 ch 1, | abuseThis is a very interesting idea, but I do have several suggestions. Your sense of urgency with the attack was lost by the casual way you told it. It's good to try to keep the narrator somewhat unnoticed as you write a story, and the struggle with first person is keeping a balance between the noticibility of the narrator and keeping him/her unnoticed enough so that the story may be presented. The exception to this is the first chapter, where if the story is meant to be told as something that happened in the distant past, the main character can introduce himself--but you should leave out specifics, such as dialogue. I am looking over this and I'm not sure how clear I am. Please contact me if you need me to clarify. This looks very promising, and I would like to see more of it. |