Reviews for Dreamers' Landing

Mayan-Penguin
2007-03-18
ch 1,

Here's some editorial stuff that you might want to consider:

This line doesn't really make all that much sense to me: "If she could only melt into the forest and become part of what she loved with all her soul!" Maybe try changing it to something along the lines of: "If she only her very soul could melt into the forest and become part of what she loved!" (Assuming, of course, that that's your meaning.) Also, the line, “The moon rose over her dreaming form" seems a little sudden and out of place. I would try connecting it with another line, i.e. "As the moon rose over her dreaming form, she looked around her at the starlit forest and sighed, yearning for younger days and for nimbler limbs." –Note that I also altered "she sighed" to improve the flow. (You needn't change it if you keep the line as a stand-alone sentence.)

Other then that though, your story seems for the most part flawless. I love how your writing seems to follow the emotions of your character, filling your reader with a sense of wonder, longing, beauty, and, in turn, even the passage of time. There's a feeling of magic without things becoming overly fanciful, a balance that you've seemed to hit perfectly. There are so many things that I love about this, and very, very few that I don't. Congratulations on such a wonderful job!

And I think that your last paragraph is my favorite part as well.

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