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| L3G3nD 2008-04-09 ch 15,   | Okay, well, thank you for this beautiful story, and thanks for introducing the song, My Little Girl. It's really nice. There are three things which have come into my attention. The first being your sentences/paragraphs rely heavily with 'and'. In some cases, I notice more than four to five 'and' in a single paragraph. Try joining them with semi-colon, or the conjunctions such as, therefore, however, n etc. Then, the parts which Alex introduces Charlie to his family, his friend, his mother/father-in-law are always the same. You might ought to change it (as for siblings, he might do it in a different way, less formal, I'd say) And as for the third, the relationship/romance between Alex and Charlie is sweet, seemingly perfect - that's both a strong and weak point though. The strong being it's sweet, cute, and yet, lovely; however, things don't seem to happen neither in real life or realistic. I mean, definitely there are times where there are arguments between the couples, misunderstanding or something which spices thing up. That'll make the story more interesting, and the romance between them being...more worthy. Hehe... Apart from these, I really liked your story, definitely going into my favourite list. Happy writing! |
| L3G3nD 2008-04-09 ch 8, | Wow you've build up the suspense so well, and then...you solve the suspense with...with such a sad story of Alex! Good job! |
| ihrtbks 2007-07-03 ch 15, | This entire story was so AW! I loved it; you captured all emotions so beautifully in just a few words. Alex is such a sweetheart! Julie too. Charlie's an easy to identify with character as well. You tend to put periods in place of commas when you're writing dialogue. If it's a word like replies or says or answers, you're supposed to put a comma inside the quotation marks. |
| OneSparklingDiamond 2007-04-08 ch 1, | Interesting, I'm looking forward to reading what happens between the two of them and his fiancee. |
| kaitie lady 2007-03-31 ch 13, | liked it lol |
| kaitie lady 2007-03-23 ch 14, | hello! love your book hurry up and write the rest lol im really into it and im not very patient! |
| pleasebequiet. 2007-03-22 ch 14, | omg! yes! the baby is here! yay! updte soon! |
| starburst19 2007-03-18 ch 11, | i like what i read. keep it up . update soon |
| gabriellafaith 2007-03-18 ch 11, | Aw lol. That's really cute :) |
| gabriellafaith 2007-03-18 ch 7, | OMGOSH! |
| gabriellafaith 2007-03-18 ch 6, | This is starting out pretty well, but I do have a few things to mention about the credulity of it lol. First, at three months, you're barely showing, if at all. Second, even though it does add to the storyline, pregnancy clinics don't ask about the father. Alright. I think there was something else, but I forget lol. But I'm gonna keep reading now. |
| pleasebequiet. 2007-03-18 ch 11, | chapter 10 and 11 are the same. but other than that i realy do like the idea. are alex and charlie going to be together? it would be so awesome! dont let tylor mess things up!! please! |