Reviews for Mine - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Mine - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Synecdoche 2008-07-03 ch 3,	Oh, haha. I get the second one now. This third one is nice, but I don't believe "smoothes" is a word.
Synecdoche 2008-07-03 ch 2,	I'm not quite sure I like the line breaks in this one. At times it makes reading this kind of bumpy. For instance: "He bore our sinful burden on his bloodied back." I think "on his" standing on its own makes the flow seem awkward. But it's up to you how to change it or if you even /want/ to change it. "now they dangle shiningly above hardened hearts," I got a little lost here. What exactly does "they" refer to? Overall, I'm not quite sure what I think about this poem. You've got some nice imagery in here, but I don't feel you completely got the point across. Maybe just try rereading it and rewording a few things, and it'll be fine. Up to you.
Synecdoche 2008-07-03 ch 1,	Hm, not bad. Some of your wording is very soft; it sounds sincere and at the same time gives a nice image. I have one small gripe, however: "and smile majestically as you" The word "majestically" just seems really out of place to me. I'm not sure why, and it's up to you if you want to change it of course. I just feel that you could find a better adverb. Overall, nice job.
In.the.Wardrobe 2007-08-25 ch 1,	ooh, nice. and sad. the last line really made the meaning sink in. it flowed nicely and you used good word/phrase choice. well done :D
Cloudsinthesky 2007-08-19 ch 2,	I can feel a lot of emotion in this poem. I never thought of those crucifix necklacese this way but it makes a lot of sense why one would. Good job with this. Cloudsinthesky (Reviewers_found)
smile for the sunshine 2007-07-19 ch 3,	Reviews are lovely and so is your work. =]
smile for the sunshine 2007-07-19 ch 2,	this one was really pretty too.
smile for the sunshine 2007-07-19 ch 1,	That was really cute. I really liked it. =]
speechless 2007-07-09 ch 3,	wow, such a pretty collection. this last ones my fave, though. it was breathtaking, raelly. just...wow. your some writer.
Lady DreamWriter 2007-06-18 ch 2,	Again this is an interesting piece about an interesting topic. Once again you have given great detail with your description and depth of the topic while still giving the reader the full emotional of your feelings. Even though we are of profoundly different faiths, I can still have a great respect and awe of what this simple object means to you. Keep up the great work. Lady_DreamWriter (from Reviewers_found)
Lady DreamWriter 2007-06-18 ch 1,	The emotion and description in this poem is incredible. You are really selling yourself short confidence-wise. Even if you don’t think it’s very good, you should never say so within the piece because it might color the over-all opinion of the reader. I love poetry because you can read it however you chose, still, I think that you could teach me a thing or two about the art of poetry. You did a great job with this piece and I can’t wait to read the next chapter. Lady_DreamWriter (From Reviewers_found)
LeilaX 2007-06-18 ch 1,	Interesting poem. I like your use of speech in the poem to differentiate between the two voices in the poem. I also liked the use of 'honeyed heart'. The alliteration strengthened the connotations and meanings of the word. These two words were the ones which stuck to my mind and just seemed very effective. I quite liked the use of the brackets in the first two instance but not in the last because it just detracted from the words. What I didn't like was the presentation of the poem, I felt that it just detracted from the poem. The last line of your poem 'And I know that you were never mine,' loses the impact of its words because it's on separate lines. Overall I thought the poem was quite good, some of the imagery was strong but at other times the emotions just seemed watered down. Leila (reviewers_found)
keyko101 2007-06-17 ch 2,	Crap... I'm not good with poems... I think of those crosses on people who never truly understood the story behind it and the people who looked and like the necklace don't exactly know about either... But no matter how much diamonds and gold is put upon the necklace, the story is still the same...
keyko101 2007-06-17 ch 1,	Well okay, this poem shows a couple... stand (or sitting) somewhere (I like the thought of a park). One is spluring compliments... and the other silently complimenting them, openly thanking them. With each compliment, the other swoons (for lack of a better word)... But when the three words come out, the other cries... openly happy, but somewhere inside, she knows that she wasn't the first...
Sophomoric Sage 2007-05-31 ch 2,	Hey there Becky. I love reading your stuff; it's absolutely fantasteriffic. Yep, gotta love those made up words. Anyway, your poetry is pretty good--I can't write it myself so who am I really to critique? I like it, though, and I guess that's what matters. :) I also love the Sweets piece. That was pretty suh-weet. ;] Keep blessing FP with your writing! God bless, ~S. Sage

Return to Top