Reviews for Project: Archangel

Modulated
2008-04-24
ch 1,

"Quirked eyebrow" sounds like a sign of stroke or a nervous tic.

The last couple lines were ridiculously cliche.

Overall, this is seeming rather contrived. The story is just Starship Troopers revisited, so far. The character's are just paper cut-outs. The whole thing lacks originality. However, it is decently executed.

Wolfsforza
2007-03-25
ch 1,

I like it.

You've got a complex world you've already set up and you do a good job making the material seem credible.

A few things:

-I'm not sure if he's on a ship, if so he gets bumped up one grade and addressed as "Major Perez", so that there is no confusion between him and the Captain of the ship. (It's an old tradition)

-I would imagine an introduction to a new weapons system would be substantially longer and include any of his junior officers (A company is headed by one captain and has about 4 Lieutenants) and senior NCOs (non-commissioned officers) like a Master Sergeant or Master Gunnery Sergeant. If you don't want to get into the technical details at this point, you might start off with the intro, then let it wander off, "The briefing continued" then bring the scene back in with the briefing ending and the Captain heading out to his soldiers. If the goal of the scene is to explain the new system, an explanation to the common soldiers might be a good time to do it.

-You introduce Gregory Hamilton and Anne Tompkins, though you never show them entering the room. I'm assuming they entered behind the Fleet and High Commanders, but you should indicate that.

-Why was Perez' company picked for this task? This would be a good scene to explain that in.

Overall your writing is pretty good and the dialogue is solid, you just need some tuning on your details and look at getting the most out of this scene.

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