You do not have any problems with the baser fundamentals of good writing, so I'll just leave my comments as a reader. I would just like to say I very much enjoyed this story so far. This features just wonderful characterization, and I very much believe I'll keep up with this particular story. Thanks for sharing this piece of writing!!

hiya! Let me be the first to critique you, though I'm not that great at it. :P

Actually, the only problem I have with chap. 2 is torwards the end. When Eravid says "“I do not trust you, but I fear you." It took me a while to understand the sentence...I think it's like a double-negative. If you leave it as it is, it's fine too.

I'm so glad you're trying for the scholarship, I highly encourage you to do so. :D Best of luck, and I really am enjoying this. Such fantastic tension. :D