Reviews for Luscious Lies - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Luscious Lies

KrodanKradAeron 2007-10-04 ch 7,	abuseNice authors note... i thought id put my reveiw here, and i have to tell you, your story is great
aferdeity 2007-07-08 ch 10,	abuseheh I LOVE this story and I LOVE her fiance! if she doesn't want him I'll take him of her hands anytime.
BasketCase101 2007-06-21 ch 10,	abusei like it good story line...and the characters are awesome!
fallen angel broken wings 2007-06-20 ch 10,	abusei like this. keep up the great work!please update soon!
sin-sanity 2007-05-15 ch 9,	abuseThis story is so cool! It's so different from other princess type stories i've read. Loving it. Update soon plz! x
Cesalie Chase 2007-04-13 ch 1,	abuseI like it. I like it a lot. I can tell already that your writing is very mature. Your descriptions are wonderful. You're really good at capturing emotion and beauty in the simplest scenes. That part in the last paragraph was especially awesome - describing her humming as "crystal clear and gentle as a sparrow's stare of curiosity"... That's such a unique image - delicate, innocent... Perfect right there. Also, I couldn't help but laugh when you introduced Tiara. Already, she seems very similar (at least, in hair and height) to a girl in one of my stories, so needless to say I'm really interested to see what you do with her character. Lisa seems really sweet. Sweet and invisible. Her life really doesn't seem so terrible, though. Then again, this is only the first chapter, so I'm sure there's a lot more for me to learn. I look forward to reading on! (Sorry if it takes a few days, but I will definitely be back.) Cheers! ~Cesalie p.s. I hope the updating situation works out!
novelist742 2007-03-22 ch 4,	abuseGood. This chapter was a bit longer, but I really think you should have more than one scene per chapter. It makes the story move along better and makes you adjust quickly to the setting. I dunno. Update soon, and try to make longer chapters with more description! Wonderful plot line and I really think you have the potential to improve! --novelist742
novelist742 2007-03-22 ch 3,	abuseMkay, in order to make each chapter long enough for my reader, I make a promise to myself: To make each chapter at least 1,0 words long. Now, I know it seems like a lot, but I think you should aim for that goal too. When you meet that requirement, you start to use more descriptions and get into more detail so your reader can understand what you're writing about. I dunno. It's a little rule I set for myself when I first joined and I've kept it with me ever since. --novelist742
novelist742 2007-03-22 ch 2,	abuseGood. Again, list of things to improve on: 1. Longer chapters (I mentioned this in the chapter before) 2. More scenes--it helps get the story running and you don't have to take chapters on the "non-important" junk. It's great that you're introducing the character, but there's plenty of time throughout the rest of the story to get your reader aquainted with her. 3. Write more (not in terms of chapters). When you're writing your descriptions, it sometimes feels like you skip from one thing to another. There needs to be some sort of rhythm, which brings me to my final improvement for you: 4. Style. Do you have a favorite type of style of writing? Like, the tone of your favorite book, maybe? Adapt to that tone and put yourself into the story. It's a guarantee for interest to the reader. A little personality here and there doesn't hurt. Since all I've been doing is complaining about this story, here are the good things: 1. You're capable of writing (thank God) 2. Your description in the last paragraph: "Closing her eyes, Lisa began to hum, her room filled with smooth notes, crystal clear and gentle as a sparrow’s stare of curiosity" was the most original line I've ever heard in my life (which means it's good) It's actually a pretty good story. Don't mistake my constructive criticism for a flame (a really mean review, in case you didn't know). I really like this story, and I know you can really write well if you're guided in the right direction. You've already got talent, you just need to hone your skills a little bit. Besides: would I bother on a story if I didn't like it? --novelist742
novelist742 2007-03-22 ch 1,	abuseHey, great story so far. A few things: 1. Use more descriptions of the places where your characters are 2. Try not to bunch all of your words up. Separating your writing into more paragraphs will help your reader understand the novel more. 3. Longer chapters. A long chapter is always a good thing--unless it drones on and has no interest to it. So, try and write a little more with each passing chapter. Your readers love to read your stuff and always want to rea more. I think that's it for now. Great story, I like it, and keep up your writing! --novelist742

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