It feels like the plot is speeding up a bit now.
I like the way you have made the three knew characters all different and interesting. Especially Daira – mostly ‘cos it’s good to see another girl – but I like the contrast of the sharpness and the fading in and out of the background. It makes her feel like there’s more going on than you see on the surface.

Caster could be as equally fun as Gritter, what with the smart, brusque mouth. And being able to sniff out liars – I wonder if that’s linked to his magic in anyway?

And there are actually whole communities living beneath the city? That’s very science fiction, and I enjoyed the way you set up a completely different atmosphere to the one where they were being chased by the police. This place seems to have more of an interaction to the world above, and yet it really seemed like a part of society that had slipped through the cracks almost.

The bit with the rain was brilliant – the wonder and then the disappointment almost because it was dirty and brackish.
I did spot a couple of spelling mistakes in the later paragraphs. they didn't have to exhaustively proove their intentions to him – I think you only need one o. and ‘and dissapeared back into the room she'd come out of. One s and two p.

Once again, your names are quite unique and fascinating. Faolani… I really like the creativity behind your character’s names. I was almost confused for a moment when Jael was driving the car; lol, I was still under the impression that Jael’s like, thirteen. Perhaps you could make his age a bit clearer earlier in the story…?

I do like the way you’ve cultivated this world, using basic human xenophobia to drive the terrors that have taken place. It’s realistic, considering most of the horrors of our history is based off of that same xenophobia. Applying it here makes for a more relateable world, albeit a scary one I wouldn’t want to visit. :] You’re very creative.

I liked how you stopped the chapter. A cliffhanger is always good for keeping a reader's interest. And again, your descriptions are very nice (I don't blame Jael; I hate the smog too lol) and I like how the brothers' relationship is still consistent, realistic, and relateable.

I feel like the big huge paragraph on gloves was unnecessary and a few sentences would've sufficed. Better yet, maybe incorporate more info about the gloves, if they're truly of that much importance, in pieces throughout the chapter or story.

You've still got some grammar issues here and there, and sometimes your sentences feel slippery. A few more commas every now and then can help eliminate that feeling.

You have a few grammar issues where at the end of a dialogue, you have a period where a comma should be. You also are missing periods in places. It makes for a slightly sloppy read.

I still like your characters and the way you write; it makes for an interesting read. I don't really like the big huge paragraphs because it's tough to get through, but that could just be me, too.

The relationship between Jael and Ari is very realistic. Ari plays protective, responsible older brother well, as does Jael in his role of younger, act-before-thinking brother.
Your names are really unique, too. Mheer sounds some kind of Arabian or Middle-eastern, and Jael and Aridan are just cool. Gives your story a little more spice than if their names were Bob, Bill, and Jerry.

Firstly, I like your descriptions. They were clear and I could truly get a sense of this sad and ugly world. I also liked the repetitive use of the word 'grey' to describe things; you don't use it too much to be annoying, but you use it enough to add a sort of poetic feel to the story. Makes those thick paragraphs easier to get through :] (I happen to be reading it on 1/2 width, lol, so...)

So is Gritter gone for good? I remember you saying something about him being about for long, but I still think I'm going to miss him.

Interesting magic from the small guy as well - I like the way you think up such different things for them all. I think I would have run out after wind and fire.

I enjoyed the description of the fight, but the best bit, as aslways, was the conversation between Jael and Ari. They do seem unable to stay angry at each other though, and I'm wondering if anything is going to happen that will change that?

I am mean though, and I like seeing the pressure put on characters.

And I don't think me repeating my name is what you're after - hehe.

I like Gritter's humour. I imagine him being really relaxed, despite the hint of mild sarcasm.

And vibrations! that could be fun.

The exchange of information was easy to follow and interesting. Although I hope that if the brothers made the news they can't be tracked down by Devenki and Leocadia.

Oh wow, Jael becomes the wind! That was brilliant - and quite inspiring with the sense of freedom and invincibility you portrayed.

Some negative aspects of the brothers' relationship as well, which gave it more depth. And Jael's recognitionof the more negative side of himself. Interesting.

its very interesting where you end the chapter and where you are taking the story. The characters being magic users, they have some danger of being prosecuted. This raises some questions about why they are in the line of work they are in. This is a good story, but its being held back by some very simple errors. I raised them before in previous reviews, but one problem that I did not raise was this: Language. Foul language. While it has its place in literature, oftentimes it could be done without. Cursing tends to make characters look unintelligent or halfwitted when used in dialogue. And when you use a curseword in your descriptions, it makes the writer look incapable of true detail. Pick your words carefully :) This story has a lot of potential. With some editing it will be well on its way to something great.

I like this story, but this chapter was really quite boring. I say this to encourage you. I think the biggest problem here is that everything is just too easy. In an earlier chapter you had said that the little "apartment" hadn't been lived in for years; yet one of the brothers wakes up and makes himself a bowl of fresh cereal. Where did it come from? Whats more, why was this not questioned? We have now been through four chapters and there hasn't been a single bump in the road. There are simple unpleasantries like dealing with jerks and being made to stand for a few moments, but no real problems have arisen. Because of this, things get dull around this time. Introduce some problems for your heroes to solve.

Your third chapter is as solid as the first two, but I'm starting to notice some kinks in the armor. The brotherly relationship that Jael and Ari doesn't seem brotherly. It really seems like they're married. You seem to be tossing one into the typical "fix it" computer nerd and the other to be a feminine "Robin the useless sidekick" role. They don't seem to be interacting like real brothers at all. And its not really the situation, its the way you are describing them and the dialogue they share. You can make their relationship really special, but you need to be especially careful about it. I'm sure you will make something great from it.

Another good chapter. the way they came to the apartment and the level that you described it gives me the feeling that they will be spending a decent portion of the story here. A lot of my questions were answered in this chapter, but many more have been introduced. Its these questions that have kept me reading, so good job.