Reviews for And Wind Makes Fire Dance

Reviews For: And Wind Makes Fire Dance - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

Tawny Owl 2008-10-04 ch 4,	abuseI liked the information about the gloves. Of course now I’m going to be waiting for the black ones to come out. The way Ari feels about being dismissed because of his age was interesting as well. I think I had picked up that they were young, but hadn’t realised (or forgotten?) quite how young. Jael’s answer to Danjel’s question about who they are was wicked. Just so smooth. Actually we learn a lot about Jael in this chapter – or Ari’s perception of him anyway. I feel sorry for Ari though because it means we don’t seem to see what he is good at. I’m curious about the magic as well now. It keeps being mentioned but I want to see it in action!
Jenny Rocker 2008-09-28 ch 3,	abuseI think I was immediately sucked into this story by your strong sense of setting. You draw the reader into this truly dismal world of yours so well. "It was only afternoon, but the perpetual fog that hung low to the ground around urban centers kept the cities in eternal twilight. Just as the sun was never seen, the lights never went out. Only clocks could tell city dwellers of the passage of time."--this passage really gives the reader a perfect (if not bleak) picture to envision. You've obviously got every detail down pat and I can picture every scene so cleanly. Nicely done. You've also got a strong sense of character. The play between the brothers accents their differences, and in many parts is incredibly endearing--especially when they are teasing each other. I especially liked the recollection of the two flustering their boss by "alternately blowing out and igniting his cigar" with their magic. Very cute. The only complaint I have so far is that I do hope we start to delve into some plot soon. The first two chapters were great at establishing setting and character, but I felt this third chapter kind of wandered bit--right around the part where Jael is just tooling around on the internet and checking e-mails. I don't want to use the word "boring"--but around that part I was hoping to kind of get out of the descriptions of Jael doing such mundane things, and was glad when the dialogue started with his brother and then Ari was on the phone with Mackram. If you were to edit this chapter, you may want to cut some of e-mail-checking out. Other than that, though, this is really good and as soon as I end this review will be reading more...
Samantha Marie Haven 2008-09-28 ch 2,	abuseI'm a fan of the short length chapters. it keeps the reader going better. good length (i myself need to make mine shorter, though i won't). there is something very cool about jael's character, and it reminds me vaguely of one of my characters, especially with the 'sparkling blue eyes' (it's my character Aiden, if you cared). well, you ease into Jael's personality quite well--and mentioning how Aridan wasn't one for jumping right into the dark underground was a very clever way of getting across their differences. as i trusted, they're beginning to develop, just taking their time, and there's nothing wrong with that. you ease into everything really well. the plot itself has got me asking a million question (i won't bother to list them all) and that's excellent--i can't stay with a story if it's all laid out really clear. i don't know, just makes it boring that way. so keep us wondering! i think you'd be really good at writing intense scenes. i don't know, i just sense it from what i'm reading right now. so that's all. and might i add that i notice no spelling or grammar mistakes so far in either chapter!! bravo. by the way do you plan on publishing this? i wouldn't be surprised if you were :) cheers, ~Samantha Marie
Samantha Marie Haven 2008-09-28 ch 1,	abuseyou're a very good writer!! i was able to read through this and feel like i was reading an actual novel in my hands--just becoming happily submersed, and thoughtlessly so. your style is so fluent, and you've captured your world well. i have a good idea of where it is they live, even though I'm still not sure if it's earth or some kind of alternate earth. i don't get much of an in-depth look at Aridan or Jael in this first chapter, though there is still plenty of time for you to go in on their characterization. i hope you do, because their current situation just draws me in, so i really want to like them as characters, but that can only be done if they are real enough to seem real (haha, if that makes sense). but i do love how, from the very beginning, i feel that i am learning everything through Aridan's eyes, not just reading as the author tells me info (hate that). You make him real, just without a defined personality (as of right now). but judging by your writing style so far, i trust that they'll be strong characters. so i really loved this. i couldn't think of a better way for you to open the story. it's captivating in every way, and fluent as well. I'm favoriting this. there's just something about it i really love. keep writing! and i'll keep reading when i can. all the best! ~Samantha Marie
pinoy1 2008-09-19 ch 1,	abuseHello!! My Name is Bien Canonizado,I'm a visually-disabled (blind) graduate student from the Philippines. Just dropped by to express my admiration for your writing-style... You are possibly one of the most skilled web-based authors that I have encountered in my time as a fanatic of fantasy/science fiction. You should really try to finish your stories,specially this particular one that I am reviewing right now. I am re-posting this review cause my old post was erased when some one hacked my old account. You know,your writing means very much to me,recently I just lost my sense of sight;and quite honestly it has been so hard adjusting to a life without being able to pick-up another printed book. Currently,I depend on my computer to read stories to me on-line,this is with the help of a screen-reading program. And let me tell you,ever since I discovered fan-fiction I couldn't stop reading your great stories! Please understand,your stories give me the strength to continue... (I'll not dwell on that fact too much.) I believe your talents are a God-given gift so that you may bring happiness to those who value this particular genre. So, Please, Please, Please, Please... Do not give up on this story... Update faster! My only wish is if you could make your chapters longer,I think the reader would have an easier time if the story were written in a few long chapters,rather than several short parts. At least each chapter should be 3,0 words long for better continuity. Easier for us to follow if we did not have to back-track so often because of short chapters. I hope that you will one day decide to once-again write. Please don't give up... I hope that you will reply,because it was very hard for me to write this review since I am hoping that you will notice this short letter out of all the others that you get. Please do not think that I am just spammer,cause I am serious when I make this request. If you wish to reply, please do not use the reply feature of this website, instead please kindly send your comments to my e-mail It is written below with spaces and with the symbols spelled-out to avoid spammers. (Bienvenido S. Canonizado) Phone number:+63917-433-8194 Electronic mail:f e n r i s (at) p r i m e (dot) n e t(dot) p h "There are more things in heaven and earth Horatio,then are dreamt of in your Philosophy..."
Tawny Owl 2008-08-25 ch 3,	abusei like the fact that Mackram just smoked cigars because it's expensiv and annoys other people. He wasn't comletley what I expected though. He seemed less intimidating, but I did like the snide comments. The way you write, it's very absorbing without being overly descriptive.
Tawny Owl 2008-08-10 ch 2,	abuseI liked Aridan’s reaction to the city – that if he could shut it out he wouldn’t feel so hemmed in by it. I’m starting to get more of a sense of the differences between Aridan and Jael as well. I’m looking forward to seeing more of them interacting. I didn’t really get much of an impression of Mheer, which was fitting after the way you described him. Do we ever get to meet Mackram? I’m really curious to find out more about him and how his network operates. Sorry it took me so long to get round to chapter two. My internet access is a bit restricted these days.
Tawny Owl 2008-07-08 ch 1,	abuseI think you build up the image of a faceless, oppressive city really well. It’s clever as well because although you seem to use the word grey a lot it doesn’t seem overly repetitive. 'would own any such that showed so little wear and tear.' – not sure this really makes sense, but that could just be me. Maybe any clothes instead? I like the way you set up the story as well and mentioned Mackram and the magic users. It gave a good idea of what was going on, but I didn’t feel like I was suffering from information over load.
Le Pecore Nere 2008-02-03 ch 18,	abuseYour chapters always seem to amaze me. You should really consider making a book out of this. (I'm jealous, I can't really write well at all). You've portrayed each character well, so it leaves the reader feeling as though this is happening in an alternate universe. Great job on this story (sorry for the late review) and UPDATE SOON!!
Le Pecore Nere 2008-01-07 ch 17,	abuseOnce again, you've done a great job on the chapter. I'm sorry I didn't review it sooner, I got caught up in school and stuff. You did the characterization really well, and I could almost feel what they were feeling. No visible mistakes that I could see of (not that there are ever) Keep up the good work and UPDATE SOON!
Le Pecore Nere 2007-11-15 ch 16,	abuseoh I love this chapter :) (I love all of them but eh) it's cool, I love the way they treat each other like family, it kind of fits. Things are really getting interesting now :) you should make a book out of this. UPDATE SOON
Le Pecore Nere 2007-11-15 ch 15,	abuseOMG I'm so sorry I haven't reviewed, I hate school lol. Well this chapter was amazing, I love the fight scenes, you described it in such a way as to keep the reader infused in it. It was great. Can't wait to see the next chapter. Oh and by the way, my comp is being messed up, thanks for reviewing my story, you have no idea how much it means to me. anyway, onto the next chapter.
fawn of the woods 2007-11-15 ch 16,	abusecool! are you going to keep going? This is a good stopping point i guess but i really want to know more. can the brothers get out of jerkface's grasp. will the government find them? is it the government or some unknown faction? yay chao
Sixth 2007-11-13 ch 16,	abuseGAh!! Sorry for reviewing so late x__x Tonnes seemed to have happened here :O but it's good nonetheless. Except the first bit whereby you wrote "someone was shaking him" part and repeated in the the following paragraph. Try not to repeat sentences unless it has a significant meaning. Sixth~
Le Pecore Nere 2007-10-08 ch 14,	abusewow that was a relatively fast update ^^ anyway, woohoo for the fighting scene, it totally rocked my socks XD I hope Jael kicks Devenki's @ss! I'm really loving this story, UPDATE SOON

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