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| beadlety 2007-03-22 ch 1,   | Very good! I especially liked the second chapter. Informative, well thought out, and expository. The only thing I would look out for would be the repetition of "I" at the beginings of sentences in the first chapter. The second chapter is very good. And the descriptions of the action and setting of the first chapter really gave me an idea of what was going on. I'm pretty sure that everyone knows what an AK-47 is, but for a while I had no idea what a U.A.T. was. You might want to elaborate there. Over all, very well written. Nice wording and descriptions. What you may want to work on is showing and not telling. I know that it's in first person narration so that makes it difficult, so don't worry about it too much. |