Reviews for Still Waters Run Deep

Reviews For: Still Waters Run Deep

Nyptunus 2008-06-22 ch 9,	abuseSunny is Ari's cousin? Why didn't I read this update sooner? Dur. Anyway, I notice you changed her name to Delia, but I will always remember her as Bella! ;). I need to read the rest of Feeding the Fire and remember: Toast is always best when cooked in a pair of size 18 shoes! :o ~Nymbus
MyFriendIsADork 2008-05-31 ch 9,	abuseYou are an awesome writer I really like reading your stories :)
Solemn Coyote 2008-05-11 ch 4,	abuse1)"You’re a water elemental, as am I" I'd been half expecting him to be fire, but I guess not. This probably means that a handful of other elementals will be introduced to the story, and that gives the plot a lot of material to work with. Perhaps there'll be a big, non-romantic story-line to follow? 2)"He was lying, I was sure." the problem with modern-day fantasy always lies in getting the characters to accept the impossible. Most authors go with the "I don't believe it. I don't believe it. Okay, now I believe it" method and have their characters make an attempt at denial, but there are some alternatives to consider. If a character wants to believe in something supernatural, she might mix the denial with honest belief. Or, if she's used to acting spur-of-the-moment, she might try to test her powers. Let her emotions go for a minute and see what happens to the forecast. If she's used to being accommodating, she might try to act as if the person she's talking too doesn't sound completely crazy. Basically, the way in which a character comes to terms with their world depends entirely on the personality of the character. Denial is just a common personality trait. Grown-ups practice it all the time. 3)"I gave him Karen’s street and address and we went outside to his car." And her common sense makes a triumphant return to the narrative. 4)"I looked up the statistics. Most children don’t live past the age of seven or eight." You mean most children in abusive homes? Oh, wow. That's chilling. 5)"Weird dreams. The only one I remembered was like watching a movie of myself floating in water for hours, not needing to breathe, as if I had gills." Made me smile. Dreams are a great way to develop characters, or to insert some surreality into a story. This does both. I approve. 6) Great moment at the end of the chapter. I think the parts of the story where your characters step out of their usual routines (i.e. Delia waking up early morning at Karen's house, or walking back from the office) are the most natural. Actually, that probably says something about the nature of high school. In my personal experience at least, going night driving or climbing up onto the school roof always felt more poignant, more real than the trudge through the rest of the week did. -SC
Solemn Coyote 2008-05-11 ch 3,	abuse1)All of a sudden, in beginning this chapter, the story gets really good. Karen and her family get some character development, the reader finally gets a clear picture of what Delia looks like, and the magic kicks in. Maybe Delia's parents really were dragging the quality of writing down. 2)"I was climbing on a shelf to reach the plates and the whole thing came tumbling down on me, I thought." I like that Delia keeps her old habits even when she's finally free of her parents. It adds a handful more of realism to the story. 3)"They took me outside into what was fast becoming a violent storm." More realism. It makes sense that she'd instinctively go with them. 4)"On the other side, I was about to run again but a hand caught my arm." probably not a good idea, grabbing an abused girl. Of course, the romance part of the story sorta requires that the male lead be strong and sure and understanding. 5)“You’re a water elemental,” I like the concept a lot. In particular, I like that it's emotion-based. That naturally ties into the romance plot, making big emotional revelations just that much more stirring when the weather chimes in. I do think that the whole 'water elemental' is introduced a little too quickly. A touch too scientifically, but I like it in spite of that. -SC
Solemn Coyote 2008-05-11 ch 2,	abuse1) Ficpress cloned the first line of the story. For some inscrutable reason. It does that sometimes. 2) Brief chapter, but it felt pretty natural. And the writing was consistently good. Maybe I have some sort of grudge against Delia's parents, and critique the story harder when they're around? -SC
Solemn Coyote 2008-05-11 ch 1,	abuseI scanned the tag-line to this story for just a moment and didn't think much of it. At first, at least. Maybe a minute or two later, it clicked and I decided that I liked the concept after all. So, here I am reading and reviewing. I haven't got a whole lot of experience reading romance. Apologies are in order if I mis-critique something. 1)"Karen was my best friend. She knew everything about me." that actually makes for a much stronger opening line than the one you have. It's simple and direct; divided into small bits with periods. The quotation, on the other hand, has a handful of places where the reader has to pause in reading it, and that delays the start of the story for them. 2)“Buildings have feelings too!” Roxi's character develops pretty quickly, which is good. Also, that line made me smile a bit. 3)"Don’t you know that if something happened to you, I’d probably die myself?" that's a slightly overwhelming line. I can believe it fits with Karen's personality, but that personality hasn't really been established enough by this point in the story. 4)"It didn’t matter. I was used to it." your portrayal of an abused girl is dead on. She's developed a think skin, and I suspect that'll make the romantic plot-line a lot more complicated. 5) "Mom made all the money. Dad blew it all on beer." there are a handful of times where the parents feel like caricatures, instead of people. It doesn't happen that often, and they're eclipsed by the better characters in the chapter (Roxi and Cordelia,) but it's still noticable. 6)"The rain started again, but this time, there was a rainbow." Kinda flat for a closing line. If I had to suggest an alternative, it would maybe be something about how at least the rain was outside. i.e. bad stuff was happening, and would happen in the future, but she had been granted a temporary respite. 7) Overall assessment: this chapter is a real mix of places where the lines fell a little flat, and good, solid writing. I'd rather not judge the story on this alone. I think I'll read a few more chapters. -SC
Fantasy Starlette 2008-02-25 ch 1,	abusewow...i feel so horrible for Bella. Seriously. I love Karen's family. They are so nice! Can't wait to read more! I love your story! :)
Shadow Sabre 2007-09-03 ch 8,	abuseI loved this story! I was kind of disappointed about having it end so abruptly, but it was very good! You should write another (much longer) one!
lisagal 2007-04-04 ch 8,	abuseAAW Loved The Story! so cute! ^^ It would be even better if there was like an epilogue!! That would have been great... anywayz it was still a lovely story!! keep up the good work!
viki-violet 2007-03-29 ch 8, anon.	abusethis story was excellent i hope there is another one. keep up the good work
the flaming river 2007-03-28 ch 8,	abuseThis was a vry good story although I wish you would have continued ie, but oh well. This is going on my favorites list.
DisturbedKittenWriter 2007-03-27 ch 8,	abuseAww! This story is so cute! It's amazing what you did with that little story challenge scott gave you. I love the ending and I love the characters. Again, excellent job.
little fox demon 2007-03-25 ch 8,	abuseaww i wished u would hae expanded it bit more evalat a little on thir relationship
Nyptunus 2007-03-25 ch 1,	abuseWoot, awesome chapter. I feel really bad for Bella in this part, her parents do deserve what's coming to them! :P Good job, keep writin' more! ~Me~

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