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| Twilight Starr 2007-12-13 ch 1,   | The ending is sweet. It's relateable. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| felicia13 2007-03-31 ch 1, | Highly repetative and just a tad uninteresting. Sorry, but it's all repetition and the moral of the story is that you're in love. Or perhaps in lust. The point is that more imagry would have helped this out. Show how she cries and screams! Show us how you're the reason for her emotions! Just show a lot more and ... well, if you can, try to take yourself out of the poem. You can display that you like this girl (or whatever the emotion is) and she likes you in a way that's fresher and more exciting and perhaps even a little saucy and provacative. Try it. I'm sure the poem'll sound better for it. Felicia. |