FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Pelirizado 2007-04-09 ch 1,   | Starts out a little choppy rythmically, but that could be because I have no context for the rythm. Maybe you could look at eliminating a couple articles and semi-unimportant words to keep the rythm flowing. Nice metaphors in the beginning, and good job spreading the idea out over the entire poem. I like it. I will definately read more :D I have a couple corrections if you want. First, AM should be capitalized to differentiate it from the word, am. Second, in the last stanza, the beginning word, Airs, should be singular. Probably a typo, and I make that mistake too, but now you know :D |
| Ashelin 2007-03-26 ch 1, | This is sad and really pretty. I loved it, and it was just so honest it seemed. Great job. |