O_o

You make me so sad! *mills about whining* I- You- meh. You're evil. Shame on you and your murdering of characters. And here I was all interested in your main character and you go and off him.

The only thing I might suggest, is a little background info. I've read this one before, but didn't have the time to read it properly and just skimmed it (like usual- I skim everything unless I force myself to read slowly) and was a little confused. Now that I read it more closely, I understand it, but I'm still left with a couple questions as a reader. Who are these characters? Where are they from? What time era? Who are they fighting? Great emotion, bloody fantastic actually, and I could be just fine and happy (well, no, it was sad. I was sad for your characters death) at the end, because of how it's written, but me being the little curious creature I am, I want to know everything.

You might have added a bit more about the possession. What does it feel like to be possessed? I gather the wheezing was part of it, but if this possessor-thing-of-doom wanted to come through your character and get to their brother, what would that be like?

I'm torn- I really liked how it was written. It held the reader in the moment and gave off what it was supposed to, its feeling combination of action and dread and duty. So I'm hesitent to say I wanted more of your protagonists thoughts and background, because it wasn't the point of the story. Its all fine and dandy because its a short story and he (wait, is he a he? Or a she? Did I not read carefully enough?) dies at the end, but me being me, I'm always thinking of how I can expand and continue ideas. So, if you wanted to continue this (which I think would be fantastic because how it starts would be a huge bonus to later plot. Kind of like you started in the middle of dramatic action, and then you could wind it into why they were there, what happened, who they are, and then push it all into the climax struggle. Ehee sorry.. off on a tangent there..) er what was I saying? ... Oh, right, if you wanted to continue this, you have the building suspense right here. All you need to catch readers is right here. I think you just need some background and char description and you're set to fly!

Whew, alright, no more ridiculously long reviews! heh, my fingers are getting sore and my homework is completely neglected ^.^ But, reading your work is much better than doing homework! Hah, flattery... subconscious flattery might I add. Alright, enough, I'm going to lose myself on another tangent so its time to say good bye and great job.

Goodbye and great job! Hah.. (there I said it now I'm done :D )

wow. depressing, but in a good way. good story