Well you have a very interesting story.

I think that it's a bit hard to follow, but I have only read the first chapter so things will probly clear up in the net few.

I don't understand this part "“Ngh!” the blonde groaned, inwardly strained. Her arm flew up and slapped down the kitchen table with a rattling bang that ended in a hiss as ice shot across the table, looking like white dye running through wet tissue paper. She was panting; some of the perspiration on her forehead had become frozen like small jewels before melting again." maybe could you explain?

but in all I think it's a good story!

I like your writing style: you don't give too many details but you give enough to give the reader a good idea of what you are trying to describe.

I like it!! it's cool!!

laters

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