I hope Tracy's OK, good descriptions about how Bade felt. :)

hmm, I enjoyed the characters a lot, and seeing as its not finished completely you have a good basis of whats to come. I do enjoy the fact that you gave a good relationship between the family that looks to be inevitably killed, gives more drama to it. If you want some more power behind it, you may consider letting the scene with T.A and her dad at breakfast even more insight, just skipped from there to doctor's office.

anyway good start!


I have some fantasy and Sci-fi that I haven't put on here, maybe I should.

I think you're a natural writer, the story is absolutely amazing. I personally could not stop reading. I love how you wrote everything, it was easy and interesting to read. I can't really find anything wrong with it. I'm not that great with grammar so I'm not going to say anything, and I'm not such a great speller either so, I don't know. I just think that this story rocks!

This is actually a review someone posted before i deleted this story from yalime alokin and moved it here.
--alokin aka emo defier

I'd say it was a good beginning to a fantasy novel, but I think it's too early to tell. I like that the villain was introduced before the hero, unless of course you mean to make the villain the hero or something bizarre of that nature. But I can't say I'm too terribly fond of this villian. He seems just as eccentric and maniacal as every other villian mentioned in literature. And what is he doing, this villian of yours? Plotting some crazy scheme of destruction with the help of a reluctant, frightened scientist/minion/whatever-he-is fellow! That's just unexusable! But I think I'm only reading too much into this brief first chapter. How can you be expected to develop much of a story in 384 words? Good start, keep going, and avoid cliches.

m interesting, I'm really tired and going to bed lol I'll review the rest of this tommorow, looks good so far though

I liked it very much! It was well written and very descriptive! Great job!
Avalade Zarilla

Quite an enigmatic tale. I must admit, I have no idea what this exactly is about. But that's fine, it was a interesting story to read, quite suspenseful. Well done!

My thanks for the reviews and adding me to your Favorite Authors List. Greatly appreciated.