Okay... I have every intention of continuing on to read further than this opening chapter. The premise is intriguing enough to snag me, and added to that the grammar and language structure are respectably tolerable (I'm a Grammar Nazi, so take that as a compliment not an underhanded remark).

However, I would just like to say that your introduction passage is not suited to dragging the reader in to the story. It comes across as pure info dumping, and I found myself scanning down till I saw the horizontal break in the text.
I don't doubt that the information you present in those opening paragraphs is important. But you need a more active and engaging method of conveying it to the reader -- directly or indirectly. Character discussion, character observations, what have you.
Just wanted to share this before I read any further. :)

)O( Rhi
BTW, I found the link for this story in an LJ comm today. Just so you know I'm not "random ranting reader". :)

If only I could write half as well as this I would be pleased... Sorry I don't have any critiques for you, I just like it and figure I'll say as much. XD

good story but there is too many long scentences and long words. but it still is a good story.

Intriguing. I like it but try to stay away from long paragraphs and the way you opened the story. It sounded more like someting from the a tourist catalog then a story. But other then that I can't wait to see more.