FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Kira's Song 2007-04-26 ch 1,  | abuse"Do you know this is You life?" I think you meant "your" there. Anyway, a good poem, but I wish you'd used imagery or more details or something because it feels kind of bare. Then again, I think we can all relate to this (especially the little twist at the end). Good job, and keep writing! ~Cristina |
| sk8rgrl 2007-04-09 ch 1, anon. | abuseOverall this is good, but I feel like it's more written in three pieces than one consecutive piece. Like, the beginning is different from the middle (somewhere around 'Do you know how' and 'When did everything') and then again, toward the end (starting at 'And nobody's) it seems to switch voice again. I mean, it's lovely and really makes you think about different and yet equally serious things throughout, but it just seemed to jump a bit to me. Really good questions though!! Write more soon, k? ~sk8rgrl |