Reviews for You - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: You

felicia13 2007-04-05 ch 1,	abuseOk. This, I don't like. In fact ... it almost makes me want to cry. There is so much repetition of the word 'you' and the idea of being one that it's making my head hurt. You can explore the idea of being one spiritually with someone else without starting off as "You know what? You." because that's odd and doesn't necessarily relate to the rest of what you're saying. Really, I think you should take the idea you had writing this and write a whole new poem off it. And maybe then read it aloud and see which parts don't fit. And then reword as needed. And perhaps even ask someone to read it critically and not lie to your face. Then I'll read it. Sorry, but sometimes niceties just can't get the point across. I only do it because I care, Bob. You have talent, it's just hidden very, very deeply under grammatical issues. Thanks for exposing yourself to critique like this. It's good for me, too, you know. Felicia.
WyrdWolf 2007-03-30 ch 1,	abuse^^ Sweet. Love the line, 'My, -Our- head hurts.' and the ending is great, too. You have a thing for strong endings. Wolfie
cloudxtears 2007-03-30 ch 1,	abuse:) nice poem i like the lines with single words on it. it emphasizes meaning. you could prolly leave out the part about bob. it seems to ruin it's flow. stop it maybe after "we are in love". (just a comment) otherwise great poem :) keep writing!