-_- you're going to kill me, aren't you.
It's sort of better to show then tell when it comes to intros to a character's life. And... To be completely honest you might want to try rewriting the whole chapter. Sentences like; "I looked at my father looking curious as to what I have done." are kind of sloppy. Also, the whole family picture scene? Impossible to take seriously. Who, in there right mind would tear down a picture, rip it up and set FIRE to it? It's angst-tastic of course, but if you want it to be taken seriously, may I suggest simply broken glass instead of fire and tears of death?
"I walked slowly to where ever it is I could walk to." Try, "was", remember grammar is your friend! Also, it would be 1 "secound" not "seconds".
Then, the random fight scene of death... Um... A bit early, don't you think? The first chapter of a story is usually used to introduce the main character and his problems, his issues, who he is in general, to give us some sort of attachment to him. Right now, right now I can't stop giggling, but not because I sadist, but because, well, there is no way to explain exactly what my brain is doing to me as I read this story.
“Well if it isn’t Hikari… beating time guys!” shouted the oh so familiar voices I hear before getting a beating."
Try, "Well if it isn't Hikari... beating time guys!" Shouted the familiar voices of my tormentors."
Oh, you could probably write the sentence better then that, but at least in this one you're not repeating beating. General rule of thumb? If you're using the same word in the same sentence more then once, and it isn't "and" or "the" you're using it too much.
One more point before I leave you to your life, with hitting don't say "he hit me five times" say, "he hit me over and over again." or something like that. When you're getting beaten up you're usually not thinking "Oh Golly gee, I got hit seven times by my enemy and six times by my dad!"
Please don't take any of this as me trying to tear down your dreams of writing, I myself enjoy writing immensely, and I've got tons of unfinished stories on my computer to show for it Which is sort of the main reason I don't have anything posted up here, I can't finish anything :P. I'm just trying to point you a little bit more in the right direction. This story has potential, as do all stories. It's just a matter of how you tell it that's going to either sell it or murder it. Hope you don't hate me, keep at the story,
GG.

You switched between second and third person too much

Very good, very good. I like Kuri. She's seems really sweet. You've protrayed her character very well. (: I'd personally like to see them as a couple. They'd opposites, but it'd be cute. I loved it when he asked her out. lol. Again, great job!

The is a very interesting story! I love how you sucked us into it right away. I loved how you added, action suspence and humor (particuarlly the last part). I only sugest spelling out the numbers (I saw this in the middle of the chapter). Besides that, GREAT! I'm off to read the next chapter!

there seem to be a lot of words/phrases used that i have no idea what they mean. Hai, Gomen, Arigato?? so the girl from the previous chapter is probably Koyama's elder sister, Kura. Why was Koyama's face red? Sora tends to smirk a lot, it seems a bit out of character from his background with his foster parents. i dunno.
i cant believe he tried to punch her.. it wasnt what i expected him to do, scare her i mean.
there are a few grammar errors here and there

okay interesting beginning. i do feel that it needs some more descriptions and maybe you could slow down the pace a bit. the scene changes seem to go by really fast especially the one where he was in a different world or alternate reality of sorts.His crush didnt recognize him (although the bullies did) and then the girl that attacked him earlier appears. i expected him to lash out at her, not instantly trust her when she said it was a test.
though the end was humorous lol

Hello again!

Interesting chapter, like reading a manga! lol! but it needs loads of work in several departments:

1. Again, you need a grammar and spelling check. There are many errors in that area, like this one: "could of". It should be "could have". Remember that grammar is the skeleton of a language, you don't want the skeleton of your story to be weak, now do you?

2. I'm going to oversee the fact that he's as miserable as a snail, but I have to point out some things that are just plain silly: If he was adopted, why don't his parents love him? I can't see the logic in adopting a child if you're going to mistreat him. Also, he accepted the appearance of the black-haired girl with surprising ease which, even if it is a Fantasy story, is too far-fetched in my opinion.

3. Punctuation marks exist! Do use them, please!

And that's it, for now. Again, sorry if I'm too harsh or if you feel I'm being mean, because that's totally not my intention. I hope this helps you!

Until the next review!

"middle school 7th grade"- you need a comma between "school" and "7th"
"spitting at me all 3 of them"- um.. that doesn't really make sense.
"Don’t you that look on me boy!"- again, that sentence doesn't make sense.
you have a lot of grammar mistakes in this, which i think just makes it really confusing.

Some of the stuff that happens is unrealistic. For example, he just accepts that he has powers or whatever, within seconds of finding out he has them, without questioning it or anything. And that girl trying to kill him, then wanting to be his friend? Shouldn't he at least be a little suspicious? Especially since he's had a bad life, I'd expect him to have some trust issues.

I think that you should be more descriptive. Like, I can't picture the things happening in my head. Also, more description might make it less confusing when certain things happen.

Sorry for being so critical; I'm just trying to help.

Whoa, that was wierd. You reviewed and now I'm reviewing. But, the chapter was good. I liked the end line of Kura. You should do her point-of-view more. It's cute.
And guess what? NO QUESTIONS! Yay!

Wow! This is great! I like it! I'm faving this! Uh...if you don't mind, would you like to see my story? It's called TCR (The Catalyst's Rebellion) and there's supposed to be alot of drama in it. The REAL drama doesn't happen until way later though.

its swung not swang.
you're missing some punctuation, like commas and stuff--that was distracting since all your sentences began to run together a little.
overall i really liked it though!

Cloths? You mean 'clothes'? Damn... My first review for you in a long time and I'm critizing... I'm horrible...
“I wonder knew just joking?” What?
“I think he KO’d wh yo tol him…” Okay, just bad spelling, thats all. Funny though. Really. I liked Sora and his perviness in this chapter.

So, hang on, he's actually back now, and.. This isnt some sort of memory thing or anything? And this is the real world and everyone knew about everything but him because of some memory wipe thingy that I cant really name... Woahh... Big run-on. Anyways... You've got alot of different versions, huh? Which one will you stick too? Wouldnt it be confusing knowing all the different versions? Hm.. Sora only went to Kura cause he was rejected..
REJECTED! Haha, sorry.. Habit.

I like this capter pretty good but your description and scene changes could use a little work. I think you change scenes too quickly before you have time to get into it, you should go into more detail with what the characters are thinking or perhaps the description of the place.

I like and will read on soon.

JAKE!
I love him. -heart-