Reviews for Flowers of Paxi - FictionPress.com

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2007-04-01
ch 1,

Wow. It's nice to know that fictionpress has hidden treasures tucked away. Beautiful description, beautiful characters, beautiful dreams. The present tense brings the reader to the story, and the first person brings the dreams to the reader. I love your first scene; good introduction to Syrinx and Pan; your story is both fast-paced and slow; it's like moving in a sea of water, with movements more like abstract suggestions than concrete ends. Good length, too; it captures the essence of the story without drawing it out and ruining it.

I admit I was expecting water to play a larger role in the story; after all, the introduction seems to point to water as a "strength" of Syr's, whereas Pan hints at some sort of background story between water and Syr. But I do applaud the line "...I heart the ocean. Very faintly, however, flowing like wind under the sound of the surf..."

"Red Flashes mean panic. Panic means fear. Fear means a scapegoat…or two." Possibly my favorite line. Red is a warning, flashes foreshadow forgotten or forcibly wiped out memories.

Somehow, the sleep that envelops (not envelopes!) Syr seems to me like death... is that what you wanted to imply? Or perhaps you meant it in the "death of control and fear" rather than "death of physical life". Or perhaps I'm just reading too much into it... Lamb Lady is an enigma... the lamb gives her the Christ-figure sort of symbolism, while her speech and ethereal descriptions deem her to be a motherly angelic person. Both seem somewhat ominous beneath the tranquility. Did you mean it that way?

I see what you mean about the ending... I don't think I understand it completely, but I envisioned a "take a leap of faith into the abyss" ending instead of a passive "falling asleep" type of ending... something Syr's characterizations seem to point to.

Lovely overall! Just wondering... how old are/were you (as in, what grade are you in?) when you wrote this?

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