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| Psycho Shocker 2008-03-01 ch 1, | Mm...'k. I don't know how to respond to this story. It's not bad, but it's not good. You need to add more scenes. Don't take giant leaps in time, do it slowly, over a period of a week or so. Do you see J.R.R. Tolken skipping months. No. |
| KiraLove 2007-11-07 ch 1, | What I really got to say, is you are trying to squish a bunch of things in a short space. You are telling us too much, and showing us too little. Maybe you should try taking out all those little details, and incorperating them into a bigger story. It's a wonderful idea, and a wonderful plot line, but it seems too packed with infromation. That's my advice. --Kira Love |
| cassandra12271 2007-04-13 ch 1, | Hi! You should do a sequel to see what would happen next! Awesome story! |