FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Perfectly Paradox 2008-04-14 ch 1,   | I love the descriptive detail you have in here. You have great words like, "freckles smattered," (love that :D), "undisciplined hair," "belligerent strand," and I love how you describe that his nose is nothing flattering. It gives him a sense of reality rather than some idealized crush. I really like the ending, it also grounds your story as something realistic. I found it a bit odd that she refrained from holding his hand, but not from kissing him, but that's just me. I imagined her "innocently" snuggling up to him to have him find her like that in the morning... but I like the element of daring, out on a limb jump by kissing him for three glorious seconds. :) Well done, you should add more. I'd like to see where you take this. |
| CitizenOfZozo 2007-04-03 ch 1, | Nice story. You give a good glimpse of the lives of these characters in just this one scene. The emotion, though downplayed, is well portrayed as well. |