FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| cls81690 2007-09-25 ch 1,   | Well done! I love this sort of poetry; like a moment captured in a snow globe, it simply cannot be described in prose. Unless, of course, it's poetic prose like Annie Dillard's! But anyway, I enjoyed this, and I wanted to let you know. I saw your newest work on the recent updates page, and liked it enough to look at what you've done in the past. This poem is beautifully-written, and I enjoyed it immensely. You write a picture in my mind, which is exactly what every author seeks to do. I do have one suggestion, however. One of your lines, "Ah, my friend, for I may call myself your friend, may I not?" is a bit awkward, unwieldy. Why don't you break it into two lines? You could say "Ah, my friend / --for, I may call myself your friend, may I not?" Starting with "for", it's a new thought anyway, almost an aside. Thank you for posting this. I appreciate the chance to read it. |