Reviews for Which Truth? - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Which Truth? - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-20 ch 1,	abuseWell this is tremendously awesome. There is one line that obstructs the flow, however: "On joys long found and away cast" ... it is aan awkward wording that was done, I presume, to make it rhyme. These lines are exceptionally wondrous: "Whose malice had she learned to bear?" and "Where nameless aches within her burned" and "On old gods she could not rely" It made me happy that you used the word "unfurled"... I thought I made up the word "furled" or wait, no, that was "flumed" nevermind. Still a cool word choice. -Jesse Behold the review marathon (link in profile)
StarStudent 2008-04-09 ch 1,	abuseI like this a lot, I especially love the last two lines, they're so sad and so perfect =)
fields-of-Elysium 2008-04-01 ch 1,	abuseWow, I'm impressed. The only line that didn't seem to flow quite right was "Had withered into ruin and dust." Other than that, it flows quite nicely. I like the subject matter as well. Great job. ~fields-of-Elysium
Thenardier 2008-04-01 ch 1,	abuseDepressing, but that's how this is supposed to be, and you did it nicely.
Andrea Lotte 2008-03-30 ch 1,	abuseThat's really good. I love the way it flows. One of the best I've read here on Fictionpress :) Great job!
RavenclawMoose 2008-03-26 ch 1,	abuseI liked this poem. The child's character reminded me of myself, especially in the first few stanzas. I'm not usually into spiritual peoms since I'm an atheist, but I liked the ending of this one anyway. ~RM
limer28 2008-03-22 ch 1,	abuseSweet!
Nemonus 2008-03-21 ch 1,	abuseGood; nice rhythm and vocabulary.
RuathaWehrling 2008-03-21 ch 1,	abuseThanks for your very encouraging reviews! I'll get back to you on those, but for now, let me re-review in turn. :) I'll comment as I go. 1.) "On joys long found and away cast" -- The number of syllables in this line matches the rest of your poem's structure, but the pattern of naturally-spoken stresses differs. Translation: when I read it aloud, the order of words made me stumble. It stood out in an otherwise smooth piece. So you might take another look at it and see if you can say the same thing, but with different words. Wow. Only the one critical comment! :) Well done! I'm impressed by how strong you were in your use of rhythm -- a lot of people here aren't very good at that, as you may have noticed. As far as content goes, this is a rather depressing poem! But I think we've all watched as childhood dreams wither, so that rings true. Nice work! Ruatha
Eagleseye 2008-03-21 ch 1,	abuseO_O I love the twist at the end! This is a nice discussion of maturation/cynicism vs idealism. I especially like the way you managed to make everything rhyme, and stuck to the iambic meter - it really makes the poem flow on very smoothly! illereyn
Esther Jade 2008-03-21 ch 1,	abuseYour use of rhyme and rhythm complement each other well. Overall, I found that you didn't have to force the sentence structure in order to get the rhyme to work. It did occasionally feel a bit forced. On example: "She spurned the truths she thought she knew//But on a rising whim came through:" I particularly liked your opening and closing couplets. In the first, your word choice feels very apt and the closing is just so poignant. Also, they contrast well with each other.
Teperehmi 2008-03-20 ch 1,	abuseKind of a sad ending! I really liked this. The imagery and rhythm was really good. One line ("And asked her fairy-gods that she") seems a bit abrupt and forced. Perhaps if you had a bit more to it, it wouldn't interrupt the flow as much. But, otherwise, great work. Thanks for reviewing mine!
im.a.werewolf.rawr. 2008-03-19 ch 1,	abuseBeautifully written! Nice use of words and imagery.
Leigh B. 2008-03-19 ch 1,	abuseThe imagery and emotion you created in this piece is staggeringly beautiful. I enjoyed this piece.
N/A 2008-03-17 ch 1, anon.	abuseSeems like after living forever, to die would be a new adventure. And who is it that has control over our lives if then is not us. Can you call that living?

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