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| Gaius Marius Pera 2008-05-06 ch 7,  | abuseM...here we are, the end of a beginning. Just one little imperfection: why is "ensure" always spelt "insure"? Other than that, a few odd typos here and there. But overall, the story is developing well:-) |
| Gaius Marius Pera 2007-11-01 ch 4, | abuseYey! New chapters! How wonderful! The story is great, and we can see an obvious change of the course of history here. One suggestion: alot of typos going on in the new chapter, you might want to take a look at them |
| temporality 2007-05-19 ch 1, | abuseThis is intriguing (and props to writing a historical fiction that isn't based on the American civil war, which overflows the historical section) and is set in one of my favourite periods. I would suggest, however, adding more narration and detail. With a work like this, the reader really has to know where the characters are coming from and what they're doing. You've done a great job with the dialogue, so kudos to you! ~Cristina PS: I look forward to more. :) |
| Gaius Marius Pera 2007-05-18 ch 2, | abuseCorrect me if i am wrong here, would the word "dominus" be more appropriate to be used in conversations between Romans? Also, would the usage of the title "Basileus:(Βασιλεύς), in regard to the title of the eastern roman emperors, be better than having two Ceasars?(just for making things clear) there we go for now, i think there are some odd wording mistakes...still trying to find it. Please tell me, any comments? |
| Vincere 2007-04-11 ch 1, | abuseA very interesting take on history. I liked your attention to detail, the scope of your story, and the historical events it addresses. I have a few suggestions. Sometimes your word choice can become repetitive and I think you should divide your "espisodes" differently. It's a bit jarring. Anyways, good story. I enjoyed this very much. |