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| coltsrule 2008-02-29 ch 3,   | sorry it took so long ive been very wrapped up lately lol.i know u reviewed my story and thank you very much =] i have since added new chapters. i would love it if you check it out. anyways i love this story. its a good start. keep up the good work and update soon :P have a good day |
| Carmel March 2007-08-14 ch 3, | Wonderful, wonderful story. I love this! You've got interesting, likable characters, a clever storyline, and a great style of writing. I can't wait for more :) ~Carm~ |
| Mayleena 2007-07-25 ch 3, | oo...please please continue this! its very well written!! update asap please! |
| Mayleena 2007-07-25 ch 2, | this is very good..i'm reading on! |
| Mayleena 2007-07-25 ch 1, | interesting...i'm reading on |
| TifaBee 2007-06-11 ch 3, | I like, I like a lot! And I think I get it a bit. You know, why Remy was in pain during the spell and such. Just a hunch, though, so I'm probably wrong. And I like your style of writing; it kinda reminds me of mine, just different. Anyway, since I read and reviewed yours, you have to do the same for me. And I'm assuming that you like my story, since I'm on your favorites and alerts. Anyway, very good, update soon! ~TifaBee |
| aerochick06 2007-04-27 ch 2, | wow wow wows...intrigue...this new family is very mysterious.. i like it...i have a question though. why does the parents seem to dislike the main character so much...i was also wandering if Stephanie happens to know the dad...wink...ok well this is long enough! |
| ZerglingLeader 2007-04-20 ch 1, | Okay, Time to review. I'll be as thorough as I can. I just want you to know that what I'm going to say is in no way negative, but simply constructive suggestions. To start off, I like your characters. they seem real and down to earth, as well as very believable. I also liked the section about drawing. I'm an artist, so I can relate to color struggles. Color's my focus now, but before I really hated it, so I can really relate. -Now onto the critique. Your writing style is a bit lax. You should probably revise and maybe even rewrite it. reading aloud always helps me. You sound dorky, but it helps to weed out what works and what doesn't. Your diction is also lacking, as well as figurative language and imagery. Dont tell the reader, show them! Use good, meaty words in your descriptions, and be sure they're the right words for the right job. A thesaraus comes in alot of handy. your sentence structure could be better too. for example, "...already parked right outside the house. The house had taken so long..." A word like "house" shouldn't be used more than once so close together. instead use a synonym like "Home," or "Building." I don't know, that sort of stuff. Sorry I wrote alot, But remember, I read yours, so be sure to read and review mine! All in all it wasn't bad, and you show good potential. Use my advice or not, but it's there if you want it. ~CR~ |
| aerochick06 2007-04-11 ch 1, | wow i don't really like science fiction-y stuff...however...i love how you write...the only problem i really had with it was the spelling errors which i know cause i make all the time but...most people are annoyed by that..anyway...the main character and ashlee remind me of my bff..i guess that is why i am drawn to the story...so i read it...will you please read and review mine...? thanks! |