Woah, did she just drive off without the twins? Ha, not smart! They're gonna get into SO much trouble.

The character descriptions were great, and I liked how Grace's "fiery" eyes and such reflected her inner personality (like her thoughts: THAT EXPLAINS WHAT?) I want to give Ratchet a BIG hug. He's so cute, and apparently he's not a 'useless dog' after all!

"They're back." hee hee. Just kidding

I liked the backstory you gave Grace. Creative, plausible, and I'm happy to see she's not a cliche totally-spoiled-negligent-rick-mother. I can't wait to see what happens when the robot is fixed! And what it could possibly mean on a larger scale...

Ahm cliffie! (hanger)

"Inside his head, Demitri did a happy dance" - lol, I got a very cute image from that.

I thought the little part with the solider-speak in their heads was kind of weird. Where did that come from suddenly? Huhm.

I see you rearranged some things. Ha ha, I love Frank! He's cool. I really liked the back-and-forth between him and Gwen. All of that dialog was great!

Sounds like an interesting start to your story indeed. What type of ship is this? Like, regular old Naval battleship or something that cruises space? It was a bit unclear, but I'm sure we'll learn eventually.

Good set up of characters with interesting personalities. All of them sound very interesting... maybe give a bit more personality to Lilly. She can take them both out, but why?

That was great having Ratchet turning out to be a dog. I totally thought it was a crew member at first. I wonder how the twins will play into things...

Keep writing!