Reviews for The White Rose - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: The White Rose

Carmel March 2007-08-08 ch 12,	abuseWow. I just read this in one go :) This is a wonderful story so far. Your descriptions are fantastic. They just let the reader see into this whole world you've created. I like the way you use dialogue; it's realistic and flows naturally. And the storyline is creative, keeps you interested throughout the entire read. Like I said, wonderful. Good job on this, and I can't wait for more! ~Carm~
Countess of the Spires 2007-08-04 ch 4,	abuseA delicious gothic tale, thus far. I enjoyed your use of both letters and prose to convey the story. The characters are all well formed, described-- as are the settings. I fell into the story with ease. I am curious to how this will all turn out, since I have not read the version you had uploaded before. I like the names Armand and Raphael! ~_^
King of Kings 2007-04-13 ch 1,	abuseI didn't read this when you had it up before, which, looking at your reviews, you obviously did. Anyway, this was a very intriguing start. Omnious (if I spelled that right). I'm very interested to see where this story goes, can't wait to read on. ;)
diamond-dust08 2007-04-09 ch 2,	abusehi Hex! i haven't read the first version of this story before, so i'm about to start now (and that's why i won't be able to give you a comparison of which was better). i haven't been able to keep in touch with you for the simple fact that for three months our internet connection was suffering some kind of... illness. well on to the review. for the prologue, it possessed just the right amount of intrigue. it was concise and very straightforward, setting the conflict of the entire story in just a few lines, although the initial premise wasn't that very impressive nor original (how many times did i read a story about a cartel or a group of powerful individuals hunting down a former colleague who had somehow turned to opposed them). i'll give this story the benefit of the doubt though as this is a new story, and i hope you won't fall for those stale plotlines, which given your exceptional writing skill would be such a waste. even so, you handled it extremely well. the next chapter contains more meat to the story, with the revelation that a wealthy, mysterious lord called Blake was the one who was being referred to in the prologue. "...that his new bride was safe." this phrase implied that Blake had several marriages before Guinevere. some questions i would like to bring up: 1.) obviously i haven't been able to keep track of your other story "Blood For a Rose", but the first version of that story closely resembles the first part of this one (a very beautiful, clueless girl is married to a monster of a man with a stately mansion and a dark past). 2.) why is it always an enigmatic man and a very beautiful woman? you get the idea. even seasoned authors fall for this convention. this is why, no offense to you, your stories take on the overblown and surreal fairy tale feel. 3.) i find it hard to believe that a garment like a wedding gown, which is very complex, could be taken off without Guinevere noticing that she was being undressed. this is a very contradicting part to Guinevere's mood which somehow ruins the believability of the otherwise well-done angst of hers. i mean, if you're a woman married to some guy you don't even know (heck, he might be a serial rapist) you'd be a little paranoid and even a scuffle would freak you out. and people dread the first night of an arranged marriage, women especially, and you know why. but all in all, this is an excellent story that is expected from you. while your style is not distinct enough to set it apart as an A-grade reading material, the way you've woven words together deserve praise that i would otherwise hold back to a story without a strong sense of uniqueness. this story's greatest strength is always your skill with wordsmithing, although this is kinda dashed with a feeling of deja vu--people would start asking, "have i read this before?" keep it up! i would like to have some development here that would stray from the usual cliches. ~DD PS. and yes, Hex, i greatly miss your reviews. :(
Lily M. 2007-04-07 ch 1, anon.	abuseThank goodness it's back! I got upset a while ago when I couldn't find it. I understand redoing it, though, there was no chance for one big climax at an ending; certainly the characters were great, but they needed to be given more to do. I look forward to rereading it.
Dixie shiloh 2007-04-06 ch 1,	abuseHow many times are you going to redo this? Just when the plot starts to get good too. Oh well, Every revision has been better than the last. I just hope that you update soon. Dix
tlw1 2007-04-05 ch 1,	abuseI'll look forward to more so I can remove the confusion I now have from reading your first prologue before you could remove it! Now I'm anxious to see what you have next for us!
BangBangYourDead 2007-04-05 ch 1,	abuseHi, I remember reading this! Well, kind of. Its been a while. Can't wait to read it again.

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