Reviews for A Tale of Krith: A Chill in the Air

Reviews For: A Tale of Krith: A Chill in the Air - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

Reda 2008-01-09 ch 1,	Herro [wave] Wow. I don't really have much to say about this, beyond 'I envy your way with detailed description.' Everything flows so well. And I'm interested to learn about these people. (Also, I've fallen in love with your names - Sharoyu, Eshara~) ~Reda~
John Michael Christopher 2007-12-10 ch 26,	Excellent story. I'd actually stopped reading after Sharoyu's choice a long time ago, and then tonight finished reading in one sitting. The story's quite moving, and with the ending comes a very satisfying and rewarding feeling. For a while now, things have been a little stressful for me- I didn't actually know if and when I'd be able to come back and finish this. The story has a pretty heavy atmosphere. But now I'm glad I did. I'm glad you finished it so strong, and like I said before, every nuance you put into it really did amaze.
Shadowhound 2007-07-28 ch 26,	Was this a tale of banishment? Or is it a tale of Sharoyu? Sorry, that's the only thing I can think of asking or saying. Shadowhound
Shadowhound 2007-07-16 ch 24,	Where will this story end? Not when, because that's a very rude thing to ask, but where? When Sharoyu leaves Siuyushu and Yilerashu? Or will it continue to tell the tale of what he does in the outside world? You're free to not answer that question, I don't expect you to. Shadowhound
Deor 2007-07-02 ch 2,	Apologies for taking a while to reviewing again, but I'm sure you've survived ok in my absence. "This means that this is all right." For such a short sentence, the same sound is repeated 3 times and the same word twice. Maybe something like 'This means it's all right' would be better? "Wine. I like wine." Why's that then? Would wine really be viable as a drink in the context of your story, given the way it is produced? Anyway, it might be more interesting for them to have some other kind of drink, or at least make it a very specific type of wine. "whose symbol is the hourglass" Unless they actually make hourglasses in their tree-top village thing, which seems unlikely (absence of glass, sand, that kind of thing, I'd imagine), then I wouldn't have thought that they'd use an hourglass in religious iconography. For that matter, how do they carve stuff in the first place? Do they use metal tools...? If so, how do they get/make them? I think you could take the loss of memory thing further. People with amnesia often suffer from distress/panic and stuff like that. He (is it currently a 'he'? I don't remember) seems oddly, well, relaxed about his lack of memory. Your style is quite good, nothing much to criticise there, and the tone works well. Not much really happens in the chapter, although I wouldn't say that's a bad thing exactly, it just means there's not a lot to actually review. This is one of the better stories I've read on this site, so yeah, nice work. ~The Dream Unicorn
Shadowhound 2007-06-22 ch 22,	Sorry, my computer's been acting funny all week and wouldn't let me post a review. The main thing I'm wondering about these last two chapters is whether or not this is the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning. Shadowhound
Keja Toshiro 2007-06-17 ch 22,	keep posting!
Keja Toshiro 2007-06-17 ch 13,	book mark!
John Michael Christopher 2007-06-17 ch 22,	Great chapter and a good close for Mazama. I already miss him, the poor guy. What a pity. That was beautifully done. So, in previous chapters the council is in the rare situation where it reveals uncertainty on account of Nayo. I like how you follow that up with Sharoyu figuring out the council's intentions concerning Mazama. To me, the contrast only improves the characterizations of Sharoyu and the council. Despite his resentment, all Sharoyu wants is to trust in the Drakir's brutally efficient system, and, albeit harsh, you just demonstrated how that system works amazing things. Neither entity here is a fool. I really like that.
Shadowhound 2007-06-14 ch 20,	Nice chapter for worldbuilding. It takes a short break from the plot and allows the reader to reestablish the world you've created. Shadowhound
Shadowhound 2007-06-07 ch 19,	Interesting. Humans use razor blades, Drakir use their claws. Still the same desire to feel real. I'm a little confused, and that takes a lot. Is the council approving of Nayo's desire to return to Sharoyu's womb because it might benefit the commonality, or are they trying to prevent Nayo from even trying because of the same reason? Shadowhound
Deor 2007-06-03 ch 1,	Hi. "The memories splinter and branch, crossing and mingling, cat growls and bird flesh melding into a confusing mixture of sound and scent and taste." The repetition of 'ing' sounds isn't much good. It could easily be rephrased to 'The memories splinter and branch, cross and mingle, cat growls and bird flesh meld into a confusing...' Otherwise that repeated sound makes what is technically a good sentence much less effective. "memories themselves crystallize into full actions that joint at clear breaks." Does this make sense? I don't know, it doesn't seem to. Or if it does, I can't make sense of it anyway. "A vague impression of a figure with sharply orange hair, running through a dying forest." I like that, it's good. "I feel the chill and fear, yet at once the warmth of sun" Should be 'THE sun', I'm guessing. "sunny yellow" Kind of a weak description, and then you say 'yellowed' in the same sentence anyway, so I'd suggest changing it. You use quite vivid descriptions, and I like description, so that's good. Stylistically there's nothing wrong either, athough make sure you watch out for words/sounds that are repeated too frequently. Sometimes it can be an effective technique, but usually it isn't. ~The Dream Unicorn
Shadowhound 2007-05-31 ch 17,	A few typos. You have blood tripping down someone's chin instead of dripping. Or is it tripping? That would be an interesting sight to see. I'm curious as to the Council's response to Sharoyu. They've placed a lot of hope in Nayo, from what you've said. If they thought that trying to sever the bond she's formed with Sharoyu might be benenificial, I could see it happening. Either way, it'll all come out eventually for me to see. Shadowhound
Shadowhound 2007-05-31 ch 16,	A persistent question appears in my mind concerning the warrior group and their adamant loyalty to the people they protect. Simply put, why? How often do they get to go back to the central city or whatever they have and relax? In the book Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card, the protagonist spends years in a space station to learn how to defend the Earth from a future alien invasion. Between his time at the space station school and his trip to the next step in his education, he is given about six months of down time on Earth, mainly so he can remember what he is defending and why he is defending it. If you ever get a chance, look the book up if you haven't read it already. Wonderfully done. My basic point that I danced vaguely around was, how do the warrior group remember what they are supposed to protect? Memory only motivates someone for so long. Shadowhound
Microwave background 2007-05-31 ch 17,	Your characterisation of the alien Drakir remains compelling, and I like the amount of thought you've obviously put into their apparatus of government and their customs. Nice to see physical distinctions in a created race having repercussions outside the immediately visible.

Return to Top