|Reviews for A Cross Country Drive|
| Dragonette12 1/8/08 . chapter 2
this story is very interesting..i like your style because you seem to explain her abuse in a realistic style. ive read abuse stories that seem as though it isn't real..lol am i making sense? enyways..keep on going with the story! i wanna read more -
| firestar267 7/14/07 . chapter 1
this is really sad :( good, but sad. very well written too, i cant wait to read more!
| CHIIJOY 4/8/07 . chapter 1
I liked the starting of this since it was complex. She is in a bad situation but has a brother to protect. Good conflict and it's relateable. Update soon.
| myapologiesnolongerinuse 4/7/07 . chapter 1
As I said before in a private message, I'd be interested in beta-ing if you'd like. Anyways, on to the review:
Excellent lead/intro, nice way to keep the reader interested just by the first sentence, which is hard to do, especially with a question. You pulled it off well.
"A least for me it does. " *At*
"Beauty surrounds me everywhere but what is the point of stopping to enjoy it when the in the next second hell awaits me." Tis a question, so it should be ended with a question mark.
"No sound or whimper comes from my mouth. " Technically, a whimper is a sound. The meaning of the sentence could be improved if you used something along the lines of: "No sound, not even a whimper, comes from my mouth."
"Going against every nerve, muscle, and bone in my body I make it up the stairs." Comma after body. Love this sentence though- most people don't think about nerves when it comes to pain, only the muscles and bones.
" Everyday I wonder what it is that drove her to leave me with such a despicable man." *what it was*
Check a few more places that need commas.
This is honestly a great start- characterization and mood are set well, sometimes without having to outright state things. Can't wait for more updates.