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| Dragonette12 2008-01-08 ch 2,  | abusethis story is very interesting..i like your style because you seem to explain her abuse in a realistic style. ive read abuse stories that seem as though it isn't real..lol am i making sense? enyways..keep on going with the story! i wanna read more ^-^ |
| firestar267 2007-07-14 ch 1, | abusethis is really sad :( good, but sad. very well written too, i cant wait to read more! |
| CHIIJOY 2007-04-08 ch 1, | abuseI liked the starting of this since it was complex. She is in a bad situation but has a brother to protect. Good conflict and it's relateable. Update soon. |
| Deprecor 2007-04-07 ch 1, | abuseAs I said before in a private message, I'd be interested in beta-ing if you'd like. Anyways, on to the review: Excellent lead/intro, nice way to keep the reader interested just by the first sentence, which is hard to do, especially with a question. You pulled it off well. "A least for me it does. " *At* "Beauty surrounds me everywhere but what is the point of stopping to enjoy it when the in the next second hell awaits me." Tis a question, so it should be ended with a question mark. "No sound or whimper comes from my mouth. " Technically, a whimper is a sound. The meaning of the sentence could be improved if you used something along the lines of: "No sound, not even a whimper, comes from my mouth." "Going against every nerve, muscle, and bone in my body I make it up the stairs." Comma after body. Love this sentence though-- most people don't think about nerves when it comes to pain, only the muscles and bones. " Everyday I wonder what it is that drove her to leave me with such a despicable man." *what it was* Check a few more places that need commas. This is honestly a great start-- characterization and mood are set well, sometimes without having to outright state things. Can't wait for more updates. |