FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| pandaspots 2007-05-03 ch 1,  | abuseTransitioning from the first paragraph to "She lived on a rock." was rather abrupt, but I gather that's what you were aiming for? Some phrases I like; "A microscopic shoot, at first, mounding stone plain like a tiny volcano, a verdant eruption into the dust and dark." "Here, she knew, it thrived for light, and would unveil itself for nothing less." "Short, but long enough for the persistent stubbornness of nature to take hold, to grasp with tenuous fingers in the oxygen depleted atmosphere for some semblance of life, as she could not." "sprung from their confinements; one, two, three, a hundred." One, two, three, a hundred just puts to words so well that they are totally spilling, slashing, coming oh so quickly and its just really great. And some I'm not so fond of; "The Confederation of Dahn was repulsed by her; the Republic of Amhric rejected her; the Yokonian Empire ridiculed her." It just semes repetitive, but it either was what you wanted or couldn't be helped, because there isn't another straightforeward way to let them know how widely disliked this poor little (robot?) is. "pale yellow and white in a blend that made a likeness of soured milk" sour milk imagery just squicks me. xD Good job. All in all, I like this alot. |