FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Possessed Pencil 2007-05-06 ch 1,   | A LITTLE hard to follow, I think it may have been the format, i still liked it though. It threw me off at the color parts, a bit TOO deep, no offense. it's your writing and I am sure you and others must understand it more than I. |
| Forever Forbidden 2007-04-30 ch 1, | Hmm. Nice and paints a somewhat hazy and listless image of some unseen torment in my minds. The uneven spacing is quite something. Thanks for the review. Helen |
| Holly Rose E 2007-04-30 ch 1, | the last two stanzas does it for me. the end of the second-to-last: "that is humanity / for you, and this is / what i could never / permit myself to be". the tone. wow, the tone. disdainful, degrading, hoity-toity. but it works. i love it. honestly, i dont know if the fact of introducing this mysterious character works, this 'he'. for the majority, it sounds as if you're talking to someone, but its more of a soliloquy than anything. like you're musing on society as a whole. if that's what you intended, i apologize [i'm not very good at this critiquing thing...] On the whole, it's a lovely, strong poem and the intention and meaning are clear and resolute. |
| The White Angel of Darkness 2007-04-27 ch 1, | I have to admit, it was a little tiring to read a text that was placed like that (you know, straight down). But I liked it anyways XD |
| Dani P 2007-04-08 ch 1, | interesting poem i like the idea behind it. however sometimes you stick a word or two in their that disconnects the poem and stops the flow. ex.: "blue, but not purely blue, the colour of the clear sky at dusk," what about blue, but not pure, the color of the clear sky at dusk. by not repeating the word blue it just seems to flow better for me. you have a couple places like that i'd try and fix it a lil. other than that i like it. |