I like how you described the transition between his death and his after-death. It's amazing and real-feeling and I adore the contrast. Your sentences are flawless here.

"First the train platform, now this room that I hadn't seen for twenty years." I'm confused. Did he suddenly just shift there? What happened... Wait, you explain it. Maybe explain a little earlier?

This is intriguing, especially in the way you talk to "you". Did you ever continue it, or is this all that there ever was? You should continue it, I think... you have an incredibly interesting prologue here. The beginning captivates interest so that you don't lose me when randomly talking about people I don't know. This makes me want to read more. I wish there was more.

-Jesse
Beware the review marathon! (link in my profile)

is there going to be a continuation for this story? i sort of feel confused, honestly. and i already believe kora was wrong.

"And speaking of walking, I walked then across "
switching places with walked and then would make it flow better, in my opinion.

Overall, I like the tone of the story. The narrator describes things well without being too blunt, and the description of his mother and that woman he loved was interested.

The final part of the chapter I did not care much for, and least of all the final sentence. Who is "you"? Me? Someone he is talking to? That felt a bit weird, in all honesty.

The dialouge, however small, you had proved interesting, and I am happily surprised at the conflicting beliefs that spice things up.

Though he is already, does this mean the story is to be told of his past? And then how his present? For some reason that does not rub me the right way. Suggestion (although this is based on personal preference): if you could, maybe you should have a part of the past, and a part of the present, so the story feels like it moves forward?

Of course this might be your plan already.. I am merely voicing my opinion ^^

Flits about from one plot idea to another but does provoke interest as well as confusion. Why does Kora have no feelings while Kinsail does as a ghost? Is it because of the fleeting glimpse of his mother right after he dies? I'm curious.

Interesting...I like how you break the fourth wall at the end and bring the reader into the story. It will definitely be interesting to hear of Emma, Jade, Andrigan, Emmett, Kora, and more about Kinsail. Interesting name by the way.

I am looking forward to seeing where this story goes.

Danielle Thamasa