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| For What Its Worth 2007-04-15 ch 1,  | abuseI think it is an interesting story. I would like to see where it is going. Why are a man and children so deep in the woods? And what was Rin rambling about? |
| aneman333 2007-04-07 ch 1, | abuseSounds great so far, keep writing! |
| Seshtah 2007-04-07 ch 1, | abuseI like how you created Rin. The entire scene where she imagines what her mother will say is hilarious (well, in my mind anyways) Update soon! -Seshtah |
| Callitha 2007-04-07 ch 1, | abuseGood start. I like how you introduced and presented Marguerite, very interesting. As for critiques, I'd suggest breaking up the fourth paragraph into several paragraphs to make it easier to read (the actions inbetween the monologue is a good place to break). Not much else so far, keep writing! |
| Alteng 2007-04-07 ch 1, | abuseWell, you have definately created a sense of mystery in this story, I will give you that. If I were Rin, I don't know if I could be so curious, but it works for her character. As for Maruerite, I think I would make her 8 to 10 in age, but you might have your reasons. Otherwise, I think it is a really good story, and it was quite enjoyable. |
| Abigail Radle 2007-04-07 ch 1, | abuseI liked the way the introduction grabs the reader's attention. It seems like a good beginning, though some of the flavor, the voice, of the MC feels like it gets lost through the course of the chapter. By the time I reached the end of it, it just didn't have the same ... feel ... as it did when it began. A writer's perogative, of course, since it may be intentional. I just thought it worth mentioning that I noticed. It's difficult to say whether I'll enjoy the story in its entirety, though, since this is only the first chapter. It's piqued my interest, so I don't doubt I'll read future chapters when you post them. :) |