Reviews for Matthew Haley - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Matthew Haley

Weirderest 2008-07-13 ch 2,	abuse[“Door-Matt?”] I love LUKEE! [“Hey, can I have a cookie, Luke?” Mark held out of his hand like an expectant four year old. “Sure,” Luke grinned, “Sell me your soul, first.”] Man, you've really got to love these guys. And i really, really do. [It gets me. Shallow kids. I mean, you're in high school, right? They force you to read books and assess things and they make you watch existentialist films to get you to start worrying about the world; you're fed anxiety and the future at light speed. And then there're just some teens who just don't think about it. Not an optimistic thing, like, I'm-not-going-to-worry-about-what-the-future-brings crap or even a good I-don't-care; it's like they just don't know.] Matt, it gets to me too. [“You’re saying all this ‘cuz you’re chicken .”] LOL. Chicken . That's really funny. [“Is the world not living up to your expectations?” Akira picked up her backpack next to the Geometry room’s door and shouldered it, “Idealism is a sad thing you know?”] Akira is a cool girl. She's smart. I likke. [Akira looked ahead for a bit. Then she spoke very slowly, often pausing mid-sentence: “Culture dictates that something is worth saying. Science dictates that something worth saying has to be something logical. Religion dictates that something worth saying is something logical if culture believes it is. But. The individual?” A wide smile spread across her face, “That’s a different story, I think.” I looked at her. “The individual dictates whether culture is worth believing in, and if an individual isn’t an individual, trapped in culture, then you could be sure that whenever that person talks, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” “Then, maybe I’m the one who doesn’t know what I’m talking about,” I said flatly. “Can you honestly say you’re an individual?”] Real smart. Okay, so the brilliant-ness of your story is mind blowing. Its really got me thinking. [Yeah. People should. Just. Not talk. Christ Jesus.] Woosh. I know what he feels like, i'm always - saying .. things and making zero sense. It blows. [Luke looked up at all of us, “Man, I love you guys!” “I love you, too, Luke!” Mark chimed. “Me, too,” John piped in. Everyone looked at me. Luke gave me big puppy dog eyes. I rolled my eyes, “Yeah.” “Hey! Hey! Let’s kick the crap out of each other every week! We’ll call it ‘Tough Tuesday’!!” Mark got excited.] You're really hilarious. I want all of the guys for myself now. Especialy Luke. Although, Matt's got the sexy broody thing going on .. [We’ve been raised on reverse-psychology since childhood. Unnecessary subtleties. If we were raised with brutal honesty, all of us would be studying in Study Hall and doing whatever the hell we wanted to in ‘Do-whatever-the-hell-you-want’ Hall.] Dude, you're like giving me all this crazy insight! [We were raised to lie.] So. True. [Come on, think about it. How else would dolphins be able to pick up that kind of behavior. Humans don‘t just go to the ocean every Saturday to have sex in the water, right where the dolphins could see them-- That’s why they have pools and crap. Only mer-men and mermaids could do that anyway. Have sex twenty thousand leagues under the sea without drowning or without having to worry about getting carried off by the waves or getting caught in whirlpools or something.] Hmm. That's a thought. Dolphins pawn! I love how Matt's always like thinking of this totally cool stuff while the rest of the gang is messing around. I wonder what they're thinkking. [“Up yours.” “Your mom’s.” “Why’s everybody getting off my mom?! Leave her out of this, man,”] No, YOUR MOM! You know, your mom jokes just kill me. Everytime. [Football teams‘re useless. It’s war in a stadium. War without motive? Entertainment for ninnies.] Haha. War without motive. This is the funniest thing i've read, i can't get over the raw awesomeness of your story! Where did you come up with all this!? [Mark cringed, “That means any idiot like John can get into Harvard with a pretty face, cash up his ** and a number on his back.” “Yup. Just about,” John shrugged with a smile. “Wow. I’m screwed for college,” Luke ate while we walked.] I really, really really love Luke. [“Girlfriend.” “Akira.” OH! I paused. Crap. Everyone twisted in their seats and looked at me. My face was burning like an ant under a magnifying glass of a cruel and unusual boy. Akira looked at me. Half-smiling, half-inquisitive. I sank low into my seat. Are my clothes still on? “HA! What’d I tell ya?!” John bursted. Ms. English looked at Akira, then at me, “We all know what’s on his mind.” Everyone laughed and cheered and whistled and catcalled. I sank lower. I feel naked. Stupid mind games.] AW. Poor guy! [John got penalized with extra laps for happily skipping around the track. Idiot.] Haha. I love John/Matt moments on the track. [“Hey, you can’t get into my house anymore without the secret password!” John announced. “What’s the secret password, you guys?!” “AKIRA!!” Mark and Luke shouted.] Ohh, boys. [Akira leaned her head on my shoulder and sighed. My face was burning, again. Is she--?] Oh! :D
freakyAngel 2007-12-24 ch 3,	abuseI CANNOT tell you how close to God you are to me right now. Man, this was SO worth me wasting an entire night of sleep. I'm not proud to say this, but I will admit that I've read every single review that was given. Yes, I am a sad, pathetic teenager with no chance of getting sleep anytime soon. Sue me. Let me just say that I completely agree with each and every reviewer there, and more. But first, before I move on to anything else: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, eh? Well, I can't understand why no one's asked you about it yet. Why'd you name your characters after the first 4 books in the New Testament? Was there supposed to be any significant meaning to them? Second. I gotta say your sense of humour is so in touch with your writing style and, consequently, your characters that it ain't even funny no more. It ultimately gets to the readers themselves, you know? "It's not the story's plot that makes it work; it's the way it's written." Wise words from a wise woman (namely, me). Haha yeah, right. Seriously, though. I love your writing style, down to the very last detail. Especially the sub-chapters and all; man, was that interesting. It makes a reader feel like he/she is constantly flitting in and out of the main character's life, catching excerpts and snippets here and there that nevertheless still forms a perfect story with nothing missing in between. They aren't exactly chapters when by themselves, and I thank you a thousand times for not making me click on that bloody link and wait ages for the webpages to load... It's also refreshing to be able to experience life through the eyes of someone as unique and intriguing as Matt. He's a quirky one, if I may say so, and I love him - and you - for it. Sensitive, down-to-earth, shy, introverted, and a complete daydreamer - what's not to love about him? And the I'm-gonna-give-the-wrong-answers-even-though-I-know-I'd-look-stupid thing was really cool and genuine. I mean, there are some stories with this sort of characters, but they always come across as fake and angsty... Yours, on the other hand, makes Matt sound like he's genuinely bored of life, of being correct, of knowing stuff. He's the real deal if ever there was one, and this paragraph is way too bloody freakin' long. Ha. New paragraph, woots! Yeah, ignore my imaignary self. It'll go away soon. So anyway, great job, and though I'd like to say more, my entire night of non-sleep is catching up with me now. Next time, if I can? Sorry. :P Keep being awesome!
eskimoxisses 2007-11-24 ch 3, anon.	abuseAwesome story! I was hooked on by its quirky sense of humor...and i could honestly tell when the story reached its climax. Full floodgate of emotions rushed, and tore my speculating (love for certain genres- ) brain apart. Wonderful, magnificent story.. And into the depths of romance I go..
stellar explosion 2007-09-01 ch 3,	abuse[I took a deep breath before I spoke, “… I didn’t know what Love was… It was my conception that Life didn’t require Love, so I never took notice of it. But, then…” I paused. I swallowed. “… I found out… I was wrong…”] Yay, there's that whole capitalization thing again. I Love that, haha. I noticed that you don't capitalize love when Luke is talking about it. Is that because he understands love? [You’re not getting away that easy.] Aww x a billion. [He shouted with everything he had left in him.] Again, with those awesome one-liners... [She chuckled and started making monkey noises. “HEY!”] Omg, that's so adorable. Maybe I'm one of those idealistic teenage girls Matt was thinking about earlier, but that made me like, want to skip around and give everyone flowers. [I saw my long shadow growing in front of me. The sun was rising. I turned around to greet it.] , man. Why haven't you written a book yet? I mean, seriously? That whole twilight-roof-sunrise scene was the best. Alright, I'm really tired, so I'm getting really lazy on this stupidass review. But, I really liked this whole story. It just amazes me. You wrote this in your sophomore year? Man, I don't think I'll ever be this good at writing. The way you described Matt's feelings, and the way you showed how much he changed from the beginning to the end, it's all done just so amazingly. I don't know what else to say, but hopefully you get the point.
stellar explosion 2007-09-01 ch 2,	abuse[Luke looked tired and older.] Funny how these things happen, you know? I'm not about to go on some ** rant about how "mature" I am for my age, because I know I'm not, but sometimes it's hard to feel young when you're not shallow like the majority of your high school. Is that what you were trying to get at? [We all let out a universal sigh. There was silence. Luke looked up at all of us, “Man, I love you guys!”] Dunno what to say about this, just that I really like it. I love moments like those. [“I want to see the sun set, stargaze for about eleven or twelve hours, you know, like have an all-day picnic? And I want to be there to watch it rise. Watch it rise and fall asleep right afterward. I want to sleep for a whole afternoon until it’s time for the sun to set again,” She sighed. “I just hate having sand in my pants.”] You should write a book, this story and all the little things you've written are just as good as or even better than a lot of the books I've read. [“I can’t… it makes me feel weak when you’re not smiling…”] Standing up to a teacher or some other authority figure makes me feel like I'm a warrior saving the world. I like how Matt thinks about Akira. It's so.. like, sweet. And intense and awesome. I suck with words but basically, I can relate and I love it. [He bit down into his chip-less cookie, “Cut it out.”] Those are the best. I always pick the chocolate chips out. I like how Meril went from rejecting to being rejected, her character development is really good. [But… This was us, and if I could look at this world, and see so many messed up things… beyond all reasonable doubt… Butt-Face would remain.] That whole scene... just, wow. It made me cry. Well, not CRY, but like, my eyes got all watery and stuff. That was so powerful. Probably because, you know, I'm in that stage of my life right now. And I just know exactly what you mean by all this and I can relate so much. [My jacket was keeping someone else warm, so I guess I didn’t mind the cold too much.] insert girly giggles here [… I cried.] DUDE. Dude. Honestly, this was a little cliche, but I loved it nonetheless. I mean, it's all in the way you write it. It makes me feel it, you know? Anyway. I loved this chapter just as much as the first. God, I love your writing. I think EVERYONE should read this.
stellar explosion 2007-09-01 ch 1,	abuseHey again. Since I loved World Chicken so much, I figured I should get to reading more of your stuff. And I'm glad I did, because I think I love this story even more. [We’re all best friends, but we have our designated ‘seriously-real best friend’ slots. Luke’s in mine.] I love this, because it's exactly how my best friends and I are. Also, the irrational/rational relationship Matt and Luke have, that's how my seriously-real best friend and I are. I'm Luke. Haha. [Akira opened all the windows and the sunlight broke through the greyness and shone into our room. Her skin. It glows in the sunlight.] Reminds of my own high school, and all the days spent in sunlit rooms with boys who have left me, in one way or another. I don't know how to explain it, but these lines really struck me. [John ran out of his house screaming like a maniac and we all got into a huge water fight in front of the whole neighborhood.] Wow, I LOVE these boys. They remind me of my childhood. I used to only hang out with the boys around my neighborhood, and we'd always do things like this. Ahh, simpler times. Then we got older and started dating each other. Gross. [Luke silently contemplated with his tongue sticking out before he looked at us, “It’s days like this that don’t have a name. Days like this that don’t happen as often as they should.”] Oh MAN. I honestly think this is one of the best one-liners I've read. You know, when I read books or listen to songs and stumble across a line that I really like, something that really speaks to me and like, just describes a feeling I have a hard time describing myself (I hope that makes sense), I just feel the need to write it down everywhere. Notebooks, homework, walls, other books. This is one of those lines. Thank for you thinking it up, and if I ever DO find myself writing it in the margins of my homework, I'll be sure to direct whoever asks to this story. Also, I like the way Luke sticks out his tongue while thinking. Reminds me of the stupid boy the sunlit rooms remind me of. [Don’t think about it. Don’t look at her, anymore. Make yourself forget. It’s easiest that way. You’ll have less to worry about. Don’t think about it anymore.] I wonder if you/Matt listen to the songs and read the same books that I do. [Man, oh, man. I’ve forgotten what it felt like to get this early in the morning. The air’s still clean.] I woke up around seven this morning, and I felt cleaner than I have in a long while. So this line really reminded me of that. I read over this review and I realized that I talk about myself a lot, haha. Sorry about that. It's just that your writing reminds me of me and things having to do with me, and I guess I thought you would like that someone loves the things you write. I hope that makes sense, too. I love how Life is capitalized just like Love is in World Chicken. Also, Luke is my new boyfriend, even though I'm still marrying Roman.
Premium Stalker 2007-08-11 ch 3,	abuseI'm finished reading the entire story now :] I really liked the ending. The last line was perfect: "My name’s Matt, and I love Akira." In the beginning, Matt didn't seem to know who he was. I like the character development in this story because he really does change throughout the story. Love changed him, and you made that clear. I finally do understand Akira. She thought that by changing how she looked on the outside, she wouldn't have to risk getting hurt again. But Matt saw right through that and saw something beautiful. It scared her, and she reverted back to what she was before. By changing, she would be be able to kind of lose Matt without really losing him. John was an intersting character. I like how he saw Alicia in Akira, and how he found her again at the end. The end tied up everything nicely, no loose ends or anything. And Luke is still like, the best friend ever. He just rocks. This was a great read :]
Premium Stalker 2007-08-10 ch 2,	abuseWow, this story is awesome. I think that Matt is my favorite character of all time. I understand him completely. I like how you write "Cheers, Luke. Cheers." I'm quite envious of his friendship with Luke. Luke is the best friend someone could have: they're not afraid not to make fun of you but they know when not to cross the line. The thing about Matt being Luke's door mat is genius, a real play on his name and character. Matthew's character is solid in this story. He's not an overly complex guy and anyone can relate to him. The only character that confuses me slightly is Akira. Why did she change? Was she afraid that Matt was going to "cross the line" and felt that she had to change? It's interesting how you name some of the characters, like Mr. Geometry and Mr. Principal. And the way that Matt calls the substitute "master" made me laugh really hard. It reminds me of a substitute we had this past year. I'm convinced she's on something. This was one of my favorite lines, it's what was one of the most memorable things about this chapter: "This was us, and if I could look at this world, and see so many messed up things… beyond all reasonable doubt… Butt-Face would remain." I like the romance in this story. It's not your average high school teen drama/romance. It's more than that, and I think it's because of Matthew. Oh, and the last part, so Luke is adopted? Wow. I can't imagine Matt without Luke, or even worse Luke without Matt. I'll read the next chapter soon. Great read, I wasn't disappointed!
Premium Stalker 2007-08-07 ch 1,	abuseWow. This is one of the best stories I've read on fictionpress. Seriously. I can relate so much to the main character, it's almost scary. The conversations are so real. I love Matthew, I love his friends, I just love everything about it. I can't think of a single negative (or negative-like whatever that means) thing to say about this. I think that's what I love the most about this story, the dialouge. It just flows naturally and doesn't seem stiff or fake like in other stories I've read by other people. This is really good. It reminds me of tenth grade, which is kind of scarring but great at the same time haha. I will definitely be reading the rest of this. I can't now because I'm sure I'm about to fall asleep on my keyboard so expect reviews later. Excellent job. Random: I like your pen name, it's creative. I have a thing about pen names, its weird.
murderprotocol 2007-04-10 ch 3,	abuseWell, this'll be my last review for today (I've already written six - been catching up on things, lol) and I left it for you. :) I was going to leave this for tomorrow, but you've got me so engrossed I can't wait that long. Seriously, it's been a long time since something has had be so interested. Only one other story recently has really had my eyes glued to the screen, wanting to read more and more. So thank you for writing this. [I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t wake up. I’ve been wanting to do both so bad.] That was marvellous. I've felt that. I still sometimes too. It's... hard. I hate it when you're dead tired, and yet when you think you can't think, you think more than any other time. And that nightmare was weird, in a freaky kind of way. I've had weird dream, but none of them have ever meant something like Matt's. Was that just Meril talking to Akira? Well, I'll be. Maybe Meril's growing up too after Luke's rejection. [Her insecure smile was staring to brighten.] *starting? Brave, brave boy, Matt is. I'm in love, lol. And I love smart Luke. The guys acts like an arse, but he's just awesome. And damn John, it is wrong for me to want to smack him for teasing Matt about Akira then going after her when she gets 'hot'? Some friend. I hate friends like that. If I didn't love Matt before, I do now. And I think, as beautiful as Akira was, her sudden whatever's going on is just ugly. She should have picked up her bag and marched right on out of there. Guess I'll just keep on reading and see what's going on with her. I like James. He's cool, even though we don't know much about him. Luke's either clueless or playing Meril so well. But she totally wants him. And yay for Matt, finally admitting his feelings! Now he's just gotta get past John. [He was a my best friend. ] No 'a'? It's interesting that John's suddenly turned on his friends. It makes me wonder why too, like with the Akira thing... Sometimes I get the feeling he's doing it to get Matt to finally admit his feelings and fight for the girl, but then I'm just... blank, lol. [I mean, honestly. It’s like they’re inviting us to bring our own accessories to murder!] ROFL. Knives - killing machines! Even the plastic ones! I love the way James fits so well in John's place. It's kind of sad in a way. [In English, girls were giving me strange, blushy looks. I tried not to feel weirded out. But they were scaring me.] LOL. Poor Matt. The boy's crazy. :) I WAS WONDERING WHEN NEW GIRL WOULD MAKE AN APPEARANCE. Finally, lol! Virgin Love God... ROFLMAO! Luke and them damn cookies, lol. And I like this bit about James not being a replacement. Mark naked! LOL. See, that's the funny thing about girls and guys. Heaps of guys just get dressed in front of each other or whatever and it's really no big deal, although there is that whole 'gay' factor there somewhere, I'm sure. But chicks, they're all, 'Eww, don't look!' except for the whorish ones. It's... intriguing how the different sexes work. [“How come you own so many love epics?” I eyed him. // “How come you want all of them?” He shot back.] ROFL. [What the hell am I afraid of?] The proverbial life question. Whoa, go Mr Geometry! Freakin' dickhead Substitute. Go die, lol. I'm feeling Matt's weirdness about the day too. It's like, whoa, cosmic power, aligning everything right. Wow, we finally see the real John, although I'm not sure exactly what's going on yet. But I love that although these guys live close to each other and have been friends for years, they still don't really know each other. Hmm, so Matt's dad... left? Or died? I'm not sure which one. But I guess in a way if he did leave it's kind of like he died. [She’s seemed really tense today.] Just she, or something else? Wow, that was intense. My eyes were glued to the screen reading what Akira had to say... I like, almost wanted to cry myself. It's nice to see things with Luke and his 'parents' working out. And that Matt's moment with Akira WAS real. Aw, poor Marky, lol. But yay for him too. And wow, that stuff with John is deep. He sees Akira as Alicia, right? Maybe I'm missing something... Oh yay, even more goodness for Luke!! Woowee, I'm all happy now. [The caterpillar probably thought this was SO hilarious.] LOL. Chapter seventeen, the first part - beautiful. Just beautiful. And so was the one before it. [Luke and Meril just grinned at each other and fed each other pasta at the expense of James’s sanity. They seemed to be very amused by all of this.] LOL. While Luke, Matt, Melissa, and Meril are all growing up, I think Mark and James have a little further to go. Wow, Iris knows Akira? And Casen is the ex, while Rika is the ex-best friend? Small world. Wow, I thought John was gonna seriously hurt Matt then, but I'm glad it's out in the open and Matt was able to knock some sense into him. It really is weird that they don't know these things about each other. But nice too. Because can you really knowing everything about one person? Aw, I'm feeling all fuzzy now. I've got the stupidest grin on my face. The boys are friends again, plus one. Luke and Meril are all sappy, Mark's Mark, James is so going to get it on with Melissa, and John's got Alicia back. And then there's Matt and Akira. That last line was just... brilliant. I must thank you for writing such an awesome piece. It really showed the growth of the characters, and not just Matt but all of them. So much truth, so many fears and flaws - so real. I want to say more about how much I loved this, but I can't. It was just amazing. I think I've learnt a thing or two our life and myself reading this. It's you who gotta rock on, Ninja. :)
murderprotocol 2007-04-10 ch 2,	abuseOkay, I'm back, a day later mind you, but I'm back. And I'm already loving. The first chapter is great. I love reading that Luke is maturing somewhat and questioning the same things Matt has been questioning. It does make you wonder why we try to impress people so much in school, why we bother living when it's all not going to matter in a few years time. Matt's last though of the sub chapter was intriguing. He comes across as someone kind of scared of life, doubtful of it. His response isn't thought after thought of what the answer might be, it's immediately just, 'What is there isn't one?'. It's interesting. Akira still has his jacket? Damn! And lol, I remember when overalls were all the fad back when I was in like, grade six. Seriously, I used to think I was the coolest when I wore them, because for once I had something when it was in fashion, not when they were going out of fashion or were banned. Like Tamagotchis. I never got mine until like, two days before they were banned at school. It really sucked. [“Hey, can I have a cookie, Luke?” Mark held out of his hand like an expectant four year old. // “Sure,” Luke grinned, “Sell me your soul, first.”] LOL. Matt's very intelligent in his observations and analysations of life - is analysations even a word?? But even though he's only fifteen and scared of knowing the answers to questions that seem impossibly big, he's smart, and knows things now some people never learn. I love that about him. Especially when he's all out of it while Mark, Luke and John are being retards. It almost gets hard to follow, Matt's awesome introspection intersected by the boys' awesome idiocy. [“It’s like Christmas. You don’t askfor the ugly sweater, you just getone,” Mark tried for another cookie.] LOL at the sentence, grr at the sticky words. [“Is thatwhat this is about?”] Okay, do you want me to point these sticky words out? Because I know you'll probably edit this or something someday, but if it's just a waste, let me know and I'll stop, lol. And once I noticed the 'comma where I'd put a fullstop' thing. Seriously, if you don't want any edits on this at all, because I know this piece means a lot to you (and I can see why), just say so. :) Wow, the end of that conversation was intense. It's nice to see the boys talking about something useful for a change, but Matt referring to them still as children. I did get a little confused as times as to who was saying what but I'm just slow, LOL. I like that Matt can say what he thinks about things to Akira. And wow, Akira is deep. I was like, 'Whoa, girl, slow down. Give me a moment to catch up with your awesomeness'. But she's right. I think that conversation is going down as one of my favourites ever. Melissa? Matt's ex, I presume? And Wanker County, LOL! I love when people outside Australia use the word wanker as in 'idiot' or 'jerk'. I, for a long time, thought it was just use who used it that way and else where used it literally for a guy who wanks off. Or maybe that's what you meant, or I'm just ignorant... pff, I'll shut up about it now. Melissa is officially a wanker. Wham bam, thank you ma'am. Woohoo! Man brawl. I knew the day would come when their seemingly perfect friendship would start to... well, not deteriorate, but change, sort of. Like, grow. And I love that in the end, Matt joined in, like there's nothing better to do. I loved the TOUGH chapter! That was awesome. Guys are so easy. They get mad at each other, exchange some bad words, beat the out of each other then move on. Why do girls have to play vindictive little games? AGH! No one DOES study in study hall. Maybe that's why we never had them. Lol. [Did you know that dolphins do the wild thing for fun?] ROFL. I wanna do what Akira said. But I think I'd wanna do it with someone special. It would be more awesome that way. Just to feel infinite. Poor John's mum. Everyone seems to want a piece of her, LOL. Dude, John is such a typical guy. So suggestive. Who know that you could take so many innocent statements out of context. Cherry Blossom High? Is it okay I found that so funny? Yay, a guy who isn't obsessed with sport, yet still maintains his manhood. Awesome! You know what I just realised. Although Matt's off in his own world half the time, he still knows exactly what his friends have been talking about. Who said boys couldn't do two things at once? Oh, those mind games suck. I always suck at them. And God, Matt and Akira and all their smarts and nerves make me all gooey inside. [John got penalized with extra laps for happily skipping around the track. Idiot.] LOL. The image is priceless. Wow, go Akira! Girl's got balls! And I adore that grade school memory. So cute. Matt is changing, I definitely see that. But I think it's a good change. I mean, he's growing up, stuff like that happens. Ah, Luke, poor kid. He's proof that the most unlikely of people are the ones with the fake smiles. Lol, the way you put teenagers, I seriously wonder why I want to marry one too. But luckily, most people eventually grow out of it. Oh wow, poor Matt! He crossed the line and Akira just ran. I'm so interested to know why now. Things like this really make you wonder about love, why we'd even bother with it, you know? I mean, until you find that right person, who really knows what love actually is? God, that substitute isn't much better. Dang nabbit, these teachers are me off. And man, what is up with Akira? Matt liked her for who she was and then she went and changed on him. And Luke? Why am I getting the feeling he's adopted or living with his aunt and uncle or something? Oh well. Guess I'll just have to read on. :)
murderprotocol 2007-04-09 ch 1,	abuseI told myself I would sit down and review something of yours before I started on some of my own writing for the day. And seeing as I've heard you talk about this a fair bit, I figured, hey, good place to start, lol. I LOVE THE INTRODUCTION. Seriously. I love that Matt knew the answer but gave a wrong one, I love the observation of the gum on the ceiling. I just love it. This sentence here {I know what all of this is, but. What am I doing here?] Now, I know nothing, lol, but would it work better with an ellipsis or a hyphen or something instead of the fullstop after 'but'. Pff, what am I say, I'm no editor. Oh God, the repetition of stupid is marvellous. Real teenage talk there. Everything's always freaking stupid - or some not so grand word. And, that's interesting about promiscuous. It's kind of like all the other 'bad' words. None of them were created with the intention to be used in a vulgar way. Like ** - it means a bundle of sticks! How on earth did it become associated with homosexuals? I love the way your writing always has some wonderful truth to it. You say it to me, but I don't see it, yet when I read your stuff, I'm always like, 'OMG, that's so true!' Like the thing about existence. Really we leave as we come if we make it to old age, and it's depressing knowing that - knowing that my teenage depression and associated anxiety are eating away at what are supposed to be the best part of my life. It truly is lame. [It was the best day of my life, breaking up with her.] LOL, I loved that. Door-Matt and Butt-Face? That's so awesome. And I love the way hot was written like so: 'hot'. Subjectiveness to a T. [That's my friend, Luke, "What's up, Butt-Face?"] Fullstop after Luke? ["but it doesn't matter! She's HOT!"] Capital B, lol. I'm so picky. I love Matt and Luke's friendship. It's so... real. Guys thinking about their dicks, then there's the one guy who's not so focussed on that. And Matt's description of them is... just awesome. Okay, I feel really stupid right now, so teach me. In these two sentences ["Tch. Figures," Luke's attention shifted, "Hey! Meril!!" // She was walking toward the cheerleaders' table, "What?"] I wanna put fullstops everywhere. So, is it fullstops, commas, or is either acceptable? LOL, I love Luke's question for Meril! Mark and John are hilarious. What do they do, skip a whole class before lunch? Seriously, where do you come up with all this awesome, funny stuff? I love you. God, these boys... I wanna marry them. I love idiots. They compliment my nerdiness. That and they're so much better than being friends with girls. These boys remind me of my boys back in senior maths. Oh man, this is bringing back so many memories. I feel sad and happy all at once now. I love Matt's blase attitude toward the new girl. It's like... refreshing in a way. Like, he knows there's more important things than her, but it's also rather selfish, because he's pre-occupied by the thoughts of his 'sucky' life. It's interesting for his character, that he's not using girls to make himself feel better. Now my head hurts... all this geometry talk is painful. See, because of the said boys, I failed maths miserably. But I wouldn't give my boys away ever for a better grade. Lol, Matt's reaction to what Akira said about his smile was so awesome. The poor boy. [After school… We all walked home.] Is it weird of me to have found that mindblowingly funny? Oh my, the dialogue around Matt's completely different thoughts is awesome. The neighbourhood thing is great because I know exactly what he means. [“And to think there’re two more days ‘till the weekends.”] Weekend? [“So I guess showed her that a boyfriend wasn’t everything.”] I showed? Have I told you lately how much I love Matt and Luke together? Yes? Okay then. I like the attention this story places on 'smarts'. Like, who's really smart, blah blah. It's intriguing. And I love how this is developing so well through mostly dialogue. I read a quote somewhere about everything a writer needs to say can be said through dialogue, or something like that. [“And how come you’re just all content with your life, and it’s like you don’t even feel the need to improve?”] This is and probably will be, my favourite line. I just adore it. If only everyone could see that the way they are, flaws and all, is okay and that there's no need to try to be anything bigger or better. Pff, my bus driver never waited until I was seated until driving off. He just did, and I'd almost fall over. God, PhD's and mass qualifications seem so pointless sometimes. I love that Matt sees this - that all it's really for sometimes is mass corporation. Matt sounds like my kind of boy. I love Akira too. Nerds are so underappreciated. And I love this little alikeness/connection she and Matt seem to have. [“Hey, you pervs, stop saying disgusting things about my mom,”] Perves? SWEET TALKING A CASSEROLE? OMG, ROFL! [he threw pieces of orange at Luke.] Capital H? And I've noticed some places you've got commas where I'd put a fullstop. Once again, intentional, acceptable? Am I pointing out stuff that's totally okay and looking like a fool? Coach Bossy. Lol. [“If you weren’t my best friend, I’d fart on you.”] ROFLMAO. I think that's my favourite line now. [“Nice job with the clothing deprivation stunt.”] Lol, that's something I would say to use big words and be obscure. I really wish I knew Spanish. And I love pinatas! LOL. Aww. Akira. She's so beautiful. Especially how she calls Matt 'Matthew'. [I don’t hatemush,] Sticky words!! Stupid website, lol. You do the whole dialogue/unrelated thoughts thing so well. I'm jealous. Love the food fight! I've never been in one, but I'd love to be. [“I’m not,” Mark went over and farted on Luke.] OMG, LOL! Boys, I love 'em! And all that 'Real Man' talk... Hmm. I dunno. Lol. [Cheers, Luke. Cheers.] I love that. Shows how tight Matt and Luke are, how much Luke thinks of Matt as a person and a close friend. [I’m supposedto be doing something.] Sticky, argh! Doing nothing and too lazy to walk outside, lol. Sounds like me. And it's funny that Matt never goes over Luke's house, yet Luke lives next door. While I'm thinking about it, I love the lack of physical descriptions of the characters. I've got this picture of them all in my head, and to have them described would kind of ruin it a bit. It's the joy of writing - letting people see them the way they way. Just give them the base and let them go. Child abuse, lol, every teens cry for help. Although, me and my sister usually cry rape, lol. This is the point where I would normally get all fan girly and be like, 'Hurry up and hook up, Matt and Akira!' Lol. 'Takes one to know one' I love that. In that other piece I sent you, that's the kind of thing I'm going for between Fuller and Kari - although you probably won't see that yet, lol. But I love the whole, so different, yet so much the same aspect of people. You seem nothing alike, but deep down, there's something there that only each of you understand, and it binds you to each other for life, even if you're not actually together, you know? I love Matt's hesitance toward Akira. It shows that he is looking for answers, isn't as mature or grown up as he thinks. But it's definitely the beginning. Wow, go Luke! I can't help but hate Meril, so yeah, all the more power to Luke. Lol, everything about sub chapter 5.4 was awesome. [“He’s just afraid to put out ‘cuz he’s got a small willy,”] LOL! And I love Matt's reaction to Luke's rejection of Meril. It says a lot for Luke, that he's not all skirt-chasing and just for the hot, popular chicks. And I love Matt's constant fighting with himself. All the questions, the hope. I can relate. Okay, I guess I should stop now, as I've definitely spammed your page. But this was just so good, and I wanted to comment on everything. But now I'll go make pasta for lunch, and give my eyes a rest before I go blind, lol. Thank you so much for writing this, Ninja.
IdiotLoveIdiot 2007-04-08 ch 3, anon.	abuseThis was so amazing. I don't know how less to describe it. This is written so simply yet over time it starts to flow like poetry and than leaves an impression and wow I'm ramboling. The characterization and especially the character devolopment is done just wow. The same characters that annoyed me in the beggining like Melissa, Meril, John... especially John well they you developed so well that even they kind of grew on me. Oh sheese you made these characters seem so humanlike not like blah but like yea... I think you get my point. But yea you gave inspite to all the characters and you made them really well rounded. But yea James and Luke are my favorites even though Luke is taken. Darn you Meril! I use to not have much of opinion bout Mark till the chapter where he starts missing John and stuff I really started to sympathize with him. Yea Luke and Matt is a lil group like Mark and John is another lil group and together they make one big group. But yea Mark missing John is understandable like Luke getting worried at the beginning about Matt abadoning the group for Akira and stuff. So yea as you mentioned in the beginning John more uh.. what's the word uh... more like the leader... ? when it comes to Mark and Matt is more responsible when it's compared to Luke. And I'm that statement made no sense so I will just get to the point and say I guess that's why it seemed throughout the story Matt and John were competing agaisnt eachother. At first it seems that Matt is jealous of John's charmingness, but John is also jealous of the relentionship that Matt has with Akira that he wanted with Alicia. Yea... To end this giant randbol wow... This story was amazing and was so worth breaking my bedtime in order to finish reading it.

Return to Top