Interesting idea, but there are too many mistakes. There are also some things that make no sense. Writing "(whispers)" in place of a plan defeats the purpose of having a narrarator. You could achieve the same thing by writing "Jewel whispered her plan in my ear and I smiled", or something like that. The way it is now makes no sense. There are also many typos and a few grammar errors. Helen says "racquet". She means "racket", but that doesn't sound like a kid speaking. It sounds silly and overdone. You have a nice idea, but this needs major work on grammar, spelling, and probably a reality check of sorts. If one of the oldest kids there is 14, they wouldn't act like that.