Reviews for Karma - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Karma - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Disenchanted Words 2008-08-10 ch 15,	abuseWrite a damn good sex scene! Lol. I'm kidding. Yeah, you do a really good job at writing like a different author. I'm impressed really. You should be a ghost writer. I love you. Update soon. You should do a few prompts to get back into your normal style. It may help.
Esther Jade 2008-04-28 ch 1,	abuseSounds like a werewolf story to me. This chapter didn't give a lot of clues as to where it's going but the brief section with the sister allowed for an emotional collection. The writing is generally clear but it felt like this chapter need to be proofread before posting. I've pointed out some instances of minor mistakes below as well as some areas where I thought your descriptions were a bit vague. Hope it helps ;) Minor points: Hurt and torture burned in his words as he tried to speak. - I find this description a bit obscure. I'm not quite sure what this implies about how he speaks. The words "torture" and "burned" I find particularly difficult. over his should - Typo. I think you mean his "shoulder". His illuminating blue stared directly at her - I think the word "eyes" is missing in that sentence. the cries of an inhuman creature - I find this description a bit vague. What makes it sound not human? Does it sound like an animal? The candlelight the he held - Bit confused. Is he actually holding candlelight (so he's some kind of mage) or is holding a candlestick? He had only been with his, self-proclaimed, new family for two years - I would recommend reversing the order of "self-proclaimed" and "new". The boy told his teacher as they left the room. - The "the" should start with a lower case. Probably a typo. His head was sinning - Typo. I think you mean "spinning".
Ramona122003 2008-04-19 ch 3,	abuseNice story so far. I am curious about what direction it is going so far. Sivan alos sounds like a very interesting character. I cannot wait to learn more about him:)
Carmel March 2007-12-05 ch 14,	abuseThat was amazingly amazing. Even though it's been awhile since I've set eyes on this story (about which I am terribly sorry about!), I immediately got right back into it the moment I started reading. This story keeps getting deeper and even more interesting. Keep up this wonderful work, and I'm looking forward to reading more :) ~Carm~
Disenchanted Words 2007-11-25 ch 14,	abuseAH! You finally posted! I'm so happy! We both posted on the same day...how strange. Oh, how is your NaNo Novel? Is it postable. I haven't talked to you in so long my dear friend. Awesome chapter. That would be horrifying to see a dirty dream about your friend. Eww.
Aislingeach 2007-08-14 ch 13,	abuseHey, I thought the chapter was okay. I just want to see what will happen in the next one!
Carmel March 2007-08-14 ch 13,	abuseWell, I liked this. I liked this a lot. I've just got to say...Sivan is so dreamy. :) Keep up the great work, and update soon! ~Carm~
Disenchanted Words 2007-08-13 ch 13,	abuseIt's not that bad. I liked it. I feel a bit of a conflict coming on between Joseph and Sivan.
Aislingeach 2007-08-06 ch 12,	abuseWow, I really like this story so far! Please update soon!
Carmel March 2007-08-06 ch 12,	abuseFantastic job on this chapter. I like the way you make the characters interact with each other and converse with each other. You make it believable, realistic, so the reader can just visualize the scene in their head. Update soon! ~carm~ PS A beta reader, huh? Personally, I'm not sure you need one at all. Are you looking for someone to just look over it and fix the little things up, or someone to tear it apart?
Disenchanted Words 2007-08-05 ch 12,	abuseNot me. I have my hands full with the people I'm betaing for. Anyway, it was an interesting chapter. What's with this Joseph guy?
cheesynoodle 2007-08-03 ch 11,	abuseHey! So far I really like it-the pacings good, and while there's enough action to keep me interested, you're still developing your characters! (which is something I have trouble with TAT) So good job! I'd suggest to try to explain things a little further in a few areas, and maybe put the semi-colon to good use ( ; ) like for example: "Sivan was a happy demon to see that; he hated interruptions when he had things to do. " It connects things like that so that it flows a bit better, and makes it less choppy. Anyways, excited to get the next chapter!! :D
Carmel March 2007-07-07 ch 11,	abuse1, 2, 3, 4 You left me wanting more 5, 6, 7, 8 I hope Lyris is gonna be okay-ght Alrighty, I can't rhyme, so I'm not even gonna try anymore :) I think what I'm trying to tell you is...great chapter, and update soon because that cliffhanger is brutal on us readers! ~carm~
Disenchanted Words 2007-07-07 ch 11,	abuseWhat?! You leave a cliff hanger? Butthead...I'm know, I'm not the one to talk. Sivan didn't like being infatuated with Lyris? He was just embarrassed. Lyris makes me laugh. Update soon.
Carmel March 2007-07-03 ch 10,	abuseI can't get over your characters. So well developed, so original. And in both of your stories, too! I'm jealous of how well you write in so short a time. Okay, not jealous, impressed. Nah, jealous. Hope to read more soon! ~carm~

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