|Reviews for Pharaoh|
| Alex Rashid 12/9/11 . chapter 8
Awww...:( I wanted the Pharaoh to live...:'(
I wonder wat Iset is thinking about kraos being the Pharaoh...
| Alex Rashid 12/9/11 . chapter 7
I don't trust Tor for some reason...or Kraos...
| Alex Rashid 12/9/11 . chapter 5
I am still loving this story!
| Alex Rashid 12/8/11 . chapter 4
Dis is getting better. but i haves to go to bed now...:(
and im serious about the RP. We need more people. and you know a lot about egypt. pls PM me. :)
| Alex Rashid 12/8/11 . chapter 3
Ok. The A/N answers my previous question. but, still, what books did you read. I WANNA LEARN!
| Alex Rashid 12/8/11 . chapter 2
I LOVE! I'm gonna read the whole thing, cause I love egypt! Is the egyptian the characters speak authentic? Cause, if it is, whered ya learn?
PS. I have an Eygptian life RP if you are interested... forum/Role_Playing_Egyptian_Life/5824/
And please read and review my story Blossoms. I need feedback! :)
| Ptolemaios 8/10/11 . chapter 1
I've read your story from the very beginning and now I offer you a chance to join us.
| GoS 7/22/11 . chapter 24
Woohooo! I like Iset's comeback really much. I adore her ingenuity and lack of conciousness. Can't wait to read more!
| woodland.goddess 7/16/11 . chapter 23
I guess before I say anything else I have to express my distress for Nari's situation. It kind of breaks my heart that she's caught in a loveless marriage. And I hate to be such a cynic, but it will stay loveless. It's so depressing because she's so sweet and she deserves a man who will love her. I probably shouldn't be disliking Sraemy as much as I am, it's not entirely his fault, but it really bothered me to see him boil their marriage down to how it benefitted him socially. SHE LOVES YOU, PLEASE STOP. He's also completely taking advantage of her romantic nature in telling her that if they move slowly love will come like it does in an epic. Run, Nari, he doesn't love you back! ( Okay, clearly I'm hugely romantic myself. (Remember when I thought Sraemy was cute? How things change. I do like that he still has those boyish, unassuming mannerisms like bouncing on the balls of his feet. It sets him up as someone who should be romantic and naive and then he subverts it by being entirely not, which is probably why I'm so angry with him.) (Well, okay his is romantic, but he is in love with the wrong woman.)
Before I get any further, two errors (again, I apologize if they've been pointed out):
When Sraemy talks about Nari's eyes, "such sadness are trapped within them" - the grammar doesn't agree. You either was "such sadnesses are" or "such sadness is"
Secondly you mention the storm in court "growing to a break point", you mean a breaking point.
I think what I like most about this chapter is that we see that Nari is scheming in her own quiet way; she schemes to keep attention off of her by using Iset as cannon fodder. It's interesting, because it really makes her less of a black sheep than she first appears, especially because she's kind of throwing her sister under the bus, which Iset actually has reservations about when the roles are reversed; she seems to genuinely affectionate toward and protective of Nari. I don't think she has any idea about her older sister's hidden side. Nari's devious when she's threatened, she's just really good at hiding behind an angel's face. Tor nailed it: she was on the ball coming up with lies and cover stories. She'll be dangerous if she's pushed, and I expect a few shockers from her down the line, she defintiely has a mind for court games. (I'm starting to feel like Kraos is the only one who doesn't. Poor guy, surrounded by such calculating women.)
Halima is hilarious in this chapter. She is so fishing getting Iset to go to the dressmaker, I do not buy that EVERY one of the Queen's servants/slaves is otherwise occupied and can't run an errand. She's just trying to humiliate Iset.
That actually leads to a question I have for you... Are characters like Iset and Nari always accompanied by a retinue of servants? Privates conversations and secrets are so important to this story, and I just can't believe they-Iset especially- would have some of these discussions with a bunch of people nearby.
Right, back to Halima. Is she trying to fake a pregnancy with that billowy dress? How very interesting... she's definitely not really pregnant. (And kudos to Iset for the way she makes her point. Way to mess with the order.)
Livius is kind of terrifying in this chapter. At first I thought he was trying to rape Nari's servant girl, but apparently he was just strangling her for fun? That makes me worry about what he may do in the future.
That's it for this chapter. (I'm almost caught up!) Wonderful as always! (I'm glad I read it twice, I remember being a bit confused the first go, but my second read helped clear up what everyone was doing and why.) I'll be reviewing the next chapter fairly soon. Probably today or tomorrow. Cheers!
| woodland.goddess 7/15/11 . chapter 22
My God, why didn't I review this when it was first published? With all the Iset/Tor deliciousness and the AMAZING loophole that's going to put Iset back in the game, what stopped me from writing a review? (School, I bet. The answer is always school.) Well, after my tardiness at reviewing the last two chapters, I feel like I need to reassure you again that I am still here, I will always be here, sometimes I'm just lazy and/or consumed by university. I actually haven't read the newest chapter yet because I promised myself I'd pick up my slack first. It's late now, but hopefully tomorrow I'll get on to the other two. )
I'm not sure if other reviewers have already pointed these out, since I'm late to the game, but I noticed a few minor errors. One might be fictionpress running words together, because I remember it doing that, but down where Iset says "bear in mind what I have seen" the "I" and "have" aren't separated. You might want to double check your master document. Further down when Rashidi is talking about the smaller country being inevitably defeated he says "she is will be", which is obviously doesn't agree. If you write anything like I do, you started the sentence one way in your head and finished it a different way which creates the grammatical conflict. ; ) The other error was further up and I didn't mark it on my cue card, let me see...
Oh, this isn't it, but as I skimmed back over I noticed this wording is a bit odd:
"She even sits on them" Regarding Panya and the council. The use of "them" sounds like she's physically sitting on the council members. "It" would be a good substitution to clear up the double-meaning.
Aha, found it: Iset tells Tor, "a lot of ladies must compete for your intention", you want "attention" there, intention doesn't make a lot of sense.
Right, now onto the part of the review I really enjoy, which is telling you what I loved about the chapter. Iset and Tor, obviously, the kiss made me want to clap my hands like a little girl. I feel like we are getting closer and closer to the affair I keep hoping for. Iset is such a tease, too! Tor is right on about the virgin/seductress dynamic, and it's totally engaging for me as a reader how smoothly she is able transition between the two. She does/you do a great job seducing the reader with her actions. The entire world is her audience! Even if she doesn't know it's there.
I feel like I may be reitering a previous review (I really must set aside a day to reread the entire novel so far and my corresponding reviews. I've been at this so long I've forgotten what I've said.) but you've done a great job building Halima up from a comic device to a character who's actually terrifying and a legitimate threat. (Yeah, I've totally said this before.) I'm pretty sure I actually respond physically (increased heart speed. etc) when she shows up unexpectedly, which she does so often, and it never gets old. I know she's never a good sign. Likewise, Rashidi's entrance was masterfully handled, since I was still on the current of tension from Halima's visit. So I reacted as if Halima had re-entered. I would not be surprised if I jumped. It helps that Rashidi is so ambiguous himself, you're never quite sure if he's there to be helpful or not. (Or maybe I just have to reread.)
I should also add that I loved, loved, loved the extended metaphor of countries and strategical warfare. Beautiful! But I've always loved your metaphors, and they just get better.
Finally, I passed the link to the story on to my roommate this afternoon, she was looking for a pleasant distraction. She's a classics major (Greek, but she loves Egypt and our university doesn't teach it.) and I'm sure she'll appreciate all the work you've put into this!
Okay, I'm going to bed. See you (sort of) tomorrow!
| CC 7/14/11 . chapter 24
Fantastic, fantastic chapter! Thank you so much for uploading this. I really liked how Iset made up her mind at the end; I was thinking she might back down. I am so happy that you have continued to write this story!
Continue on uploading!
| Josephiney 7/14/11 . chapter 24
Iset is so devious! I love her, she is my favourite character; she's so fantastically nasty :P Can't wait to see how this turns out!
| Josephiney 6/6/11 . chapter 23
I love this story! :D It's absolutely fantastic. It's the only historical fiction I've found on FP which I don't feel the urge to correct; you've got all the details just perfect :) Just wondering: did you base any of the story on Cleopatra? The Roman connection and the sibling rivalry really reminded me of her.
Keep up the good work, I can't wait for the next chapter!
| CC 5/31/11 . chapter 23
This was a pretty good chapter. I loved how you didn't give up on the story. Update as soon as you can.
| Carmel March 5/30/11 . chapter 23
I've been absent from FP for a pretty long time, but I never forgot about this story. I saw the update in my inbox, and I was so happy you hadn't given up on it. I'm all caught up and I cannot wait for more of this!