Reviews for Legends of Hadar - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Legends of Hadar

LittleDoe 2007-07-14 ch 1,	This has great potential to become a really neat story. However, it is a little...disconected. The thoughts don't flow very well, and even though it's nice to have some mystery and some "unknowness" in the start of a story, it needs to be logical. I like how this starts off in the middle of some action. As the reader, I don't know what's really going on, but expect to find out as the story progresses. (That's good) But, the two sentences, "I still visit the armor, it symbolizes the start of my great adventure. For this is my story, and the fall of the Beast is where it all started..." leaves me a little confused about everthing that comes after it. WHAT armor does he vist? Is the fall of the Beast REALY where his story starts? Why did he have to kill the Beast in the first place? His hunt has to start somewhere. How did he get the magical sword? If he is an apprentice, then he must at one time had not been an apprentice, (In other words, how did he become an apprentice and who is his Master?) Then if the killing of the Beast is the begining, where does the year 2873 fall in? Is it before the killing or after? Is he still an apprentice? A Master himself? Or it this before all of that? Another thing to keep in mind when you give a character speacial powers, is to not make him all-powerful. Don't make him perfect. If he has much power, give him a significant weakness. This isn't always easy, and I think all authors (including myself) stuggle with making their characters imperfect, but it is important in helping them to seem "real". This is a promising story, but it needs some working on. That it is only a seccond draft means a lot. I have read, and belive, that a good story, or even a part of a story, needs to have many drafts to make it flow smoothly. Each draft improves upon the previous one and makes the whole better. I think your story still needs some polishing. I hope this helps you out. Keep up the good work. God Bless You. ~LittleDoe
mysterious entity 2007-07-03 ch 1,	oh. im not that much into sci fi but i like your story. It's pretty good, when is the next chapter?
3qui1i6riM 2007-04-10 ch 1,	Good Job Bro! It's a good start! It's a great story and I can't wait 'till you write more! The only thing I can say negative is that the whole "No food, no rest" thing was a bit unreal, the "no rest" part not so much as the "No food", because he can use the magic in the sword to keep him going. But he needs food!! But anyways it's really good!! read my book! laters 3qui1i6riM
Scottish Princess 2007-04-09 ch 1,	Awesome beginning, Bro! Keep up the good work! Just be sure to keep an eye on your spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. =P Write more!! Scottish Princess

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