FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| camouflage 2008-03-20 ch 1,   | i liked this. hit a chord. nicely done my friend. |
| Adenil 2008-03-17 ch 1, | This is really nice, I love the way it is written, almost like telling a story. Don't know if you intended this, but I sort of pictured sun set to sun rise sort of thing. This line: Stop looking at my wandering eyes Yet another of your great lines. You could write a poem of one liners and give it coehesion. |
| gnomesbeatfaeries 2007-07-02 ch 1, | I loved the first half area, but then, it seemed like the moment you mentioned a 'you' the poem turned immensly bitter, like you were lashing out at someone. While if that was what you were going for, it worked well, it just didn't "flow" with the first half. I really like the imagery, though! michelle |
| Gerard and Edward 2007-06-25 ch 1, | I like the "As i said, once it was, as in not anymore" That really sounds just incredible! And the word parade is nice. I like MCR so parade is one of my favorite words. |
| tesa131313 2007-06-02 ch 1, | confusing, vague, and face paced. I didn't understand the subject. Was it about a disapproving parent, a cheating lover, a twofaced best friend? Not sure. I kind of like the vagueness but how you worded the poem and jumped from subject confused me a lot. I like the poem regardless though! |
| in theory 2007-04-17 ch 1, | Your rhythm is actually quite good, it's just that the sentences/lines seem VERY broken and disjointed, it's unusual. Maybe try blend them in a little more? |
| thursdays and rain 2007-04-09 ch 1, | lots of redundancies here and there but overall nice write. |