Reviews for Frozen Secrets - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Frozen Secrets - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Aimee 2008-05-08 ch 18, anon.	abuseno!
Aimee 2008-04-11 ch 17, anon.	abuseI like this creature thingy! Really creepy and gross. And I like the scene in the field, it's really easy to follow and visualize. Thanks for taking my order and putting the next chapter up so soon!! XD I'm really anxious to learn the backstory on this new creature. And I really wish I could have someone with ice hands to get rid of my headaches whenever I get them. :S
Aimee 2008-03-28 ch 16, anon.	abuseah! Put the next one up! Put the next one up!! Now! Do it now!! I demand it!
maidengarnet 2008-03-28 ch 16,	abuseO, wonder what the heck the thing is... I can't wait till you write more! (and god, I hope that's soon... I wanna see more Sabieon... and Shya!)
Aimee 2008-01-27 ch 15, anon.	abuseI think (and keep in mind that I don't know very much about writing and this is only uneducated opinion) that this chapter could use more work on imagery. When they arrive at the house, for example, the words jumble up the actions. Just the way the actions are described seems a bit clumsy. Also at the dinner table. I think more time could be spent on their conversation than describing who sat where. It seems like you have a picture in your head of what's going on, but the reader is just systematically placing people where you put them. It seems just a bit unnecessary. Instead, maybe you could add more of Shya's impressions of the family? What she thinks of the whole farm around her, instead of just the house? Or how she views the relationships in the family, and what she learned about them at dinner. Definitely could expand on Jeck's aura. It seems like one of the most important things to happen at the farm so far, but you spend no more time on that than all the other events. You could maybe try to spend more time writing on the most important events?
aimee 2007-12-09 ch 14, anon.	abuseHmm... well it might just be because it's been a while since I read the last chapter, but it seems like too long since the last time Shya met with Enigma like that. As a reader, I think you might want to add a little more of a cushion before she just jumps back there.Or just a bit of an intro, so the reader knows she's going there again. Otherwise, it does take a while to remember that it's like a dream and she's not really there with him. I just think you could set the mood better. Also, something like a page break would help too, those transitions aren't very clear. You have to let the reader know when to pause! Other than that, I think the way you describe Shya's use of her mind powers is getting very successful. There are just times when the reader seems to be left out of what's going on, I think. And not really in a way that increases curiosity and keeps you on your toes. It's a way that takes away from sections of your writing, just because the reader might be still catching up. It probably doesn't seem that way to you when you read it though, because you've read it so many times, and you wrote it. But your transitions could use some working on. And I don't think you need to necessarily add a bunch to your transitions, just try to make a bigger emphasis on the change of situation. You could probably just do it with like a more exaggerated change in mood or something. Umm... but I can't wait to read the next part!
Aimee 2007-10-22 ch 13, anon.	abuseThis chapter feels just like my life right now... fall leaves everywhere and cleaning! I like the angry cleaning in the library... XD. And I like how she is the only girl... but the house is still pretty much run by women's rules. Nice!
maidengarnet 2007-10-21 ch 13,	abuseWhat the heck was she doing on the roof? Good thing Sabieon was there... I wouldn't mind falling on him... cough, cough. Hey, so I'm a fangirl, so sue me! Anyway, I can't wait for more!
Aimee 2007-09-16 ch 12, anon.	abuseWell I'm really glad the group stayed afterwards to help rebuild the village.But I still feel like I wanted more out of that Shuou (sp)! He kinda just ran, instead of putting up too much of a fight. Aww well, the trackers are just too powerful I guess! Nice work, this chapter flows really well.
seika 2007-08-26 ch 1, anon.	abusei like it so far :D but in the begining before she goes into the portal it seemed to move a little fast, you could probobly slow it down by describing her walk home in a little more detal, and before she falls asleep you can write about her packing and deciding what to take with her. and maby describe what the outside of the mansion looks like a little more. (and Shya and Max should have a conversation while they're goning up the incline)XD you could have a lot of fun there
Aimee 2007-08-26 ch 11, anon.	abuseo, I like this new foe. I can't wait to see how they defeat him... an earth demon? Your chapters... remind me so much of watching Inuyasha. XD How they meet strange new creatures and new places, and how the end leaves you in such a tense moment!Well I look forward to the coming battle. Keep up the good work! Oh BTW, good job on unfolding the story. It's very fluid and easy to keep up with, and you always want the reader to follow right along! bye now!
Aimee 2007-08-17 ch 10, anon.	abuseThis is getting kind of interesting, I can't wait to find out what that little statue is! Also, I'm glad that some of the boar people are nice and helping the group out. That means at least some of them are intelligent enough to sense a false god when they see one. I'll be waiting for the next one!
Aimee 2007-08-15 ch 9, anon.	abuseWell, this is getting farther than I've ever read into the story, so I really have no clue what to expect! I'll keep reading, because you're such a writing machine (n_n I love it!). I'll be waiting for it!
Aimee 2007-08-13 ch 8, anon.	abuseThe new mission sounds interesting. And I really like Shya's new powers, can't wait to see them in action! I guess I just can't wait to keep reading! Keep up your speed-writing! I have a lot of questions... but I don't want you to tell me what's going to happen! So I'll just have to wait. n_n I'm working on this painting still... I just hope my envisions of Shya aren't too far of from yours. And if they are, then that's okay. I keep changing my mind about certain things in the painting... but I hope to let you see it soon! byebye for now
Aimee 2007-08-07 ch 7, anon.	abuseYay I'm glad she didn't choose to stay! She can't leave the team right when they're getting to know each other so well! Plus they all seem to care what happens to her! I liked the fight scene. It was cool because there was a fight going on in the room, but there was also a little arguing back and forth in her head. :) Hmm... I wonder if "Enigma" will appear again, now that they're done protecting Kordane? I also wonder what new things Shya will learn about her power. AND what new things Max will learn about his! Anyway, I can't wait to read the next chapter! Good work!

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