Reviews for Message from a forgotten journal

Reviews For: Message from a forgotten journal

Lucie Saint-Lazare
2007-04-13
ch 1,

abuseHi,

I came across this in the fantasy section and was awestruck by the phrase "rattled with memories." I'll say right now that I'm in a "Plain English" phase and disinclined to look at this sort of airy prose with kindness, but I have to admit you have a way with words.

I can't help but have the feeling that this piece is beyond criticism. There's no character development, no plot, but there isn't supposed to be any (I assume). So I'll just go with my impressions.

My feeling is that this piece went beyond the experimental into the idiosyncratic. I glanced at the rest of your portfolio (lots of good stuff, I may come back) and I don't see that tendency in your other writing, which also experiments with stream-of-consciousness and unusual metaphors, but remains limpid. In this particular story, I have a feeling that the narrator is saying, "It was a beautiful experience that cannot be expressed in words, therefore I must give up any hope of sharing it with you." Because all of the character development is limited to describing appearance in gushing terms, the piece feels solipsistic - it's like an exercise in poetic masturbation. The reader is not asked to identify or relate with anything. I'm not sure if I should call that a weakness, though, because it may be intentional (the memories-containing box at the beginning seems to hint at a meaning that is self-enclosed and locked away from sight) - my feeling is that the idiosyncracy may be self-reflective, and that what the piece is ultimately saying is that some experiences are too great to be shared even when we try to put them in words.

I do think the prose is remarkably beautiful. "I watched them choose me, over and over again" - lovely. Debbie's description veers a bit towards purpleness (She wrote like a firefly at night?) but once again, I'm not sure how much of that is intentional. Two mistakes:

First of all, the title (it's message, not messege).

Second, in fourth paragraph, you say, "hers was bountiful..." It's not clear whether you're speaking about Debbie or Stephanie.

I would also add that you might get more reviews if you put this in the "General" section rather than the "Fantasy" one. People visit the Fantasy section to find stories about gifted peasant boys who find magical swords and go on to save the world from the forces of darkness. They may get scared away by mature experiments in stream-of-consciousness. It's fantasy for "sword and sorcery," not "poetic reverie."

A lovely piece, nevertheless. Rock on.

Lucie

Return to Top