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| Ozzy Stormberry 2007-04-24 ch 3,  | abuseit was sort of abrupt. but it was a good chapter, him getting revenge on his enemies. i think it'll be hard to end the book in one more chapter, though. godspeed, good luck. ^.^ i like this chapter, too. |
| Ozzy Stormberry 2007-04-24 ch 2, | abuseanother excellent chapter. man i was glad i just checked up on this story. i have some catching up on reading to do ^.^ |
| Shadows in the Fire 2007-04-14 ch 1, | abuseYou need to read "Daughter of the Forest" by Juliet Marillier. She is VERY your style. But on your story... It's very fast-paced but bland in a way, you know? It has nothing special about it. My advice is try to beef it up with adjectives. Discribe what is going on, don't just say it. For example in the line "As he got to the gate, the fire’s flames were devouring every house, including his own. People were fleeing their homes to get out of the fire’s deadly grasp" you could write something like "As he got to the white gate that surronded his home he saw the fire's flames licking at every house like an hungry dog licks at a bone. People were running in blind panic to escape the heat." See how that is so much more engaging? I'm not saying that this is bad--I'm saying that it can be better. Looking forward to the next chapter! -Amber |
| Ozzy Stormberry 2007-04-14 ch 1, | abuseYou really need to continue. I will die if I don't see if he makes it out alive! It's really good, and I feel extremely sorry for the village. It doesn't really need a lot of editing. |