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| Sercus Kaynine 2007-05-20 ch 1,   | It made me think of how life can become that way sometimes. You said "Won't someone let her off?" so that made me think of the times when life is spinning out of control and there's nothing you can do about it. That was the purpose, correct? Keep writing~ |
| Darkness of Insanity 2007-04-15 ch 1, | Intriguing. Excellent use of descripiton, it's vivid, yet not to the point where one finds it over-done. You used all of the right words, and I find it quite perfect. "faster and faster and faster she is born lives dies faster and faster and faster she laughs screams cries faster and faster and faster the music plays a childhood tune faster and faster and faster… won't someone let her off?" This paragraph in particular, is quite strong in my opinion. Then with what follows it, it is sheer perfection. Excellent job, darling. Keep writing. xxMiss Murder |
| tearing hands 2007-04-15 ch 1, | Eery and well-written. I love the third last stanza and the last stanza. In the first stanza, it seems like it should be something other than "grey city" because the whole poem is about the carrousel, and a city is never mentioned. |
| The Sometimes Hatter 2007-04-15 ch 1, | That was really amazing. I could see the girl, the carrousel, her life. You used vivid detail but still left certain things up to the reader. I really like the repetitive use of the word "grey" and the stanze in which you keep saying "faster and faster and faster". At first, I thought that it might be good to put more punctuation into the aforementioned stanza, but after reading the poem again, I've changed my mind. Left as is, it gives you that whirling sort of feeling, and really does make the stanza faster to read and take in. So... I like it. A lot. :) |
| waitandhope 2007-04-15 ch 1, | I can't tell you how much I loved this. It really rings true... |
| Taltush/MeiMei 2007-04-15 ch 1, | That's very beautiful and haunting, but there is a slight repetitiveness to the word "grey" in the first stanza. While I get that you want to stress it, it's done a little too much. I really like this. It's both beautiful and creepy, but it's got something really special too. Great job. |
| MzKit10 2007-04-15 ch 1, | Beautiful. It's brilliant, very striking. The last stanza is very powerful. Thankyou. |