I like your short, sparse sentences - it gives this piece a cold, sterile feel, which prevents it from becoming cliche (and cliched sentiments are abundant in stories about death, a transgression that I am admittedly guilty of). And yet...there is something intensely emotional here, a dull aching that weaves its way throughout the text. The sorrow of the narrator, while not expressed outright, is tangible. The ending is abrupt, yet oddly satisfying. You seem to be missing a few commas (nitpicking here...my apologies), and I did not know what an optio was, which briefly inhibited my enjoyment of this story, but overall I liked it very much. There is an underlying morbidity between the lines that is, somehow, wonderfully appealing. I only wish it were longer; however, perhaps your vagueness was intentional. At any rate - congrats, and thank you for a great read.