Overall, I'd give it a C+ or a B-.

THE GOOD: Themes of brotherhood, in-depth characters, crisp action scenes, and a nice cliffhanger ending.

THE BAD: Use of cliché (but we all do it), and the fight scene, while entertaining, seemed somewhat forced. Needs a bit more of a natural transition into it.

THE UGLY: Grammatical errors, referring to your character as Dan Black in one area and then as Josh Daniel Brock in another.

But the bad and the ugly aren't anything that can't be fixed with a good beta reader.

There's raw talent here. You just have to separate the precious metal from the ore.