i like how each time someone wakes up, there's another flashback and we get a little more of the story of what happened at the T.O.W.E.R.

fascinating. but 2 small things: 1) why were stacy and hannah just talking about the weird powers then if 2 days had passed already and 2) time passes kind of abruptly and it's slightly confusing for me. i'm probably the only one who that matters to, but i'm a little ocd about stuff like that so just ignore me.

i liked it, but the transition from the doctor's explanation to stacy waking up was rather abrupt. but my question from 2 chapters ago was answered!

very short, but good. that nurse needs to go to anger management counseling. i was a little confused because you didn't mention that jackie was in the room, and then suddenly she woke up and she was floating. maybe if you had described the room when sarah first woke up or something...

just wondering...why didn't the doctor ever come in? but great first chapter.

By the way, you & your two comrades can't all post this story. It's against the fictionpress rules- only one person can post it under their account.

uhm, duh I knew it was you because you TOLD me it was, Josh. Way to go. haha, uh lemme guess...Jake & Katie?

interesting story josh...v. interesting...lol.

Geez, nice nurse...
I think Josh is a pyromaniac. Just one speculation...

You guys need to be less obvious - half the fun is guessing!
"was that the future...?" "maybe, just maybe, love"... instead of saying it, allude to it. scratch the part about wondering if it was the future, because OBVIOUSLY he saw the future and pointing it out is stupid, and maybe say, "I saw confusion and fear on her face, and the her eyes grew soft and light when they met mine". of course, who feels love when potion is being thrown on them? say she felt 'trust' or 'hope' or something like that...

Sweet! I liked this chapter...!! :)
Aww, Josh is pale (haha).
No complaints this time, just keep up the details! =]

what's with the random 'invisible wall'? Describe it. What is its function? Does it automatically turn on and off when someone who is bad is near? It is okay to make the readers try and make assumptions, but an entire story based around assuming isn't a great one. there's some explaining you need to do...
slightly random stuff, too like the nurse deciding to 'quit' after some weird things happen. what kind of world is this? if it's a magical one, then it might make sense, but PLEASE explain it.

Your flashbacks should be longer, or closer together. Maybe one block of text and then one block of flashbacks. the flashbacks shouldn't be so conveniantly placed that all you do is read the story. you should have to recall some of the earlier information and go back to past parts, reread past chapters, and think about it a little bit.

You need to add MORE DETAIL. About 99% of this is dialogue. It may be boring, but it sets up your story - you NEED descriptions of people, places, etc. Don't use 5 sentences to sum up the event at the beginning which is going to affect the entire rest of the story. You need more voice, more action, and muchmuch more detail. I'd like to see Sarah's facial features, the type of hospital room, the face of the nurse... The beginning, unfortunately, is where you need to set up for the rest of the story. It may be painstaking, but after that you don't need to detail as much.